We should also point out that Matisse Enzer and Internet Literary Consultants allowed us a free guest account at their web server for many years. Thank you, Matisse!

Is your subscription expiring, about to expire or has it expired? Check the date on your address label to make sure, and please think about resubscribing.

The Rocky Gap Rendezvous and Reunion 1998, on May 16-17. Call 1-800 672 9089 for further information.

The U.K. get-together at Lower Shaw Farm on July 24-26 (see the March KIT for details), and the Taylor-Cavanna wedding, also at Lower Shaw Farm the following weekend, August 1-2.

The Friendly Crossways Conference in Massachusetts, August 7th-10th, featuring a workshop by exit counselor Steve Hassan on Saturday afternoon.

-------- Table of Contents --------
Steven Hassan Workshop
Susanna M. Alves Levy 1
Miriam Arnold Holmes
Elizabeth Bohlken-Zumpe
Purcell Family - Rocky Gap Weekend
ITEM f/ The Daily Mail - 'Heaven On Earth'
Dave Ostrom
Leonard Pavitt
Andy Harries
Barnabas Johnson
ITEM f/ The Observer - 'A Cult Bestseller'
Joy Johnson MacDonald
KIT: INFORM's Spring Seminar, May 9th at the London School of Economics
Deb (LeBlanc) Herman
---- alt.support.bruderhof excerpts ----
Mel Fros, Betty Chesley, Paul Fox.
Dieter Arnold, Wayne Chesley, "A,"
"C," Paul Fox, Margaret Fox, W. Chesley, W. Chesley, "A," Julius Rubin
Wayne Chesley, Ramon Sender, Julius Rubin, Margot Purcell
William Peters, Joanie (Pavitt) Taylor
Anonymous Bruderhofer
Tim Domer - 'Distortion'
---- end alt.support.bruderhof excerpts ----
Name Withheld
Wendy (Alexander) Dorsey - 'Forgiveness'
Name Withheld
Renatus Kluver - 'Some Thoughts, And My 61st Birthday'
Melchior Fros
Renatus Kluver
Anon E. Mouse
Wendy (Alexander) Dorsey - Poetry
Mike Caine - "Runaway"
Hans Zimmermann - "Mercedes"
Song of the Pampas by Ivo Pelay
Renatus Kluver - review of Harmful Religion Ch. 5
Dave Ostrom - review of Feet of Clay

It is not easy to talk about this disease and what it does to people, No one really wants to know because it is such a frightening illness. It is even harder to watch a loved one suffer for years, to see the relentless advance of this illness, to notice how the mental faculties are not the only ones that are lost as time goes by.

What many people seemingly don't realise, though, is that people who suffer this illness and who are even in a very advanced stage of it, do still have frequent "windows of awareness," as I call them. They observe what goes on around them, they respond with a smile, with an occasional answer, even. They might suddenly say "Good morning!" clearly and loudly, to your greeting, or answer "Yes" or "No" to a simple, straightforward question. And, most delightfully, one can make them laugh and find things funny.

I knew whom of the staff at the nursing home Michael liked, and those he disliked. Last August, when one male care attendant helped another female carer to sit him up in his chair, as he was slipping off the seat Michael turned towards the man and said, under his breath, "Bastard!"

Over the last eight years, since diagnosis, I spent every single day with Michael -- apart from the occasional brief visit in Switzerland with my family -- and lately I went to the nursing home three times per day to make sure he was comfortable. Three weeks before Michael passed away he managed to whisper, "Susie." It's what he used to call me. He could laugh a deep, guttural laugh when I whispered passionately into his ear, "I love you!" And although lately he had problems with his vision, it became obvious just by the change of his expression that he knew whenever it was I who was arriving in the room.

All this shows that persons with Alzheimer's continue to be human beings, with a soul and personality, to the end. And I so wish that all the people who think otherwise might accept that this is so. Sufferers do not become "vegetables." They are responsive and appreciative of warmth, caring, smiles and laughter. And I am not alone in this knowledge and experience. It is just so desperately sad that there aren't more people who know this. But then, Alzheimer's is a scary illness, as all dementing illnesses are. And I understand that fear too.

I have received precious messages from many people, for which I am grateful. I just wish to let everybody know that Michael and I were never lost to each other because of his disease. We were as close as ever, maybe even closer through it. Despite the anguish, what we had was truly a treasure.

He knew me to the end. When he died, I was with him. He went quietly and peacefully. For him, thankfully, the suffering is over. For me, a new life begins. Warmest Regards,

Now, speaking for myself, I need to express my continued outrage that Christoph Arnold and his goons have broken off all contact between Monika and her 87-year-old sister Emi-Ma. I have tried to appeal to the last shred of decency they -- Christoph et al. -- might still have, begging them to allow these two old sisters to visit and write to each other. But I was rebuffed. This tells me there is no shred of decency left in Christoph and his hit men. And while I'm at it, what about poor Bette having to go through a life-threatening illness without hearing from her dear mother?

Shame on you, Christoph!! You hobnob with the likes of Louis Farrakhan, a man who was expressed admiration for Hitler, but you don't allow these sisters who feel nothing but love for each other to communicate. You bring shame on our grandfather Eberhard Arnold's name. You parade around the world spouting off about love and forgiveness in order to sell books that you didn't even write! (My humble opinion). All you are interested in is worldly fame and fortune, while trampling on the souls of these dear old sisters! Go ahead and sue me for saying this. I would love to have this exposed in a public court of law so the whole world will know your true colors!

My love goes out to all KIT readers and to all the dear souls on the Bruderhof who are not allowed to read KIT,

We had to laugh at Professor Schweigegebot's contribution, good as always, and I do want to thank both Thomas Kluver and Stanley Vowles for their reaction to Chris Zimmerman's book review.

Regarding Hans-Jurg's date of death, I got mixed up and wrote down that it was February 28th. However it was the 27th. I promised some excerpts from H-J's correspondence, so here they are:

Hans-Jurg, 9/4/95: You know how I feel about KIT, but it is the same feeling that I have about The Plough -- it just does not help. The sad thing about the Bruderhof is that my brother-in-law, your cousin JCA, has officially armed himself with a pistol and takes holiday vacations with his wife Vreneli in the Bahamas (of all places!). I always understood that people fly to the Bahamas if they want to smuggle away excess dollars! Then the best thing of all, they fly home in their own plane! Incredible!

I have written to JCA several times but never get any replies. Like you, I have my whole family on the Bruderhof and the sad thing, really, is that they do not realize that I am really worried about them. Life is not going well on the Bruderhof.

Hans-Jurg, 10/11/96: Yes, you are right. I am so proud to ask for help whatsoever because the Bible tells us that we should never be proud, but even the leader of the Bruderhof said, "I am proud of my jet plane!" Therefore I feel that in all humility I have a right to be proud in some matters. You might have seen that I also have contributed to KIT lately, but as we get little or no response and, if so, negative, the joy is over to write for KIT. I feel writing to KIT is actually writing to the Bruderhof. For us it is useless and boring as it takes too long from one KIT to the next to reach us, and then the urgency is over. The Bible tells us to love our enemies. Well, I try to! If it is true that the simple-minded will find a place in heaven, then we should all meet again some time!

Hans-Jurg, 3/31/97: Thank you for remembering my birthday. Yes, you are right, we are of the same youthful age! I think we are always as old as we feel. I think we feel old when we start reading books written by our communal relatives! I have the feeling you are giving JCA too much credit when you say that he is conceited (Eingebildet). Just take the two great works he has accomplished in his life: a book about death and a book about sex. Does he really think that he can change the world with these old topics? No one has returned after death, so this remains a mystery!

Sex, on the other hand, is something very personal, and right in any form for the person involved. No one can write a new ABC for grown and mature people on this subject. If JCA proclaims proudly how many copies he has sold, then you have to realize that his books are good for financial reasons, and every literature on sex that is produced for financial reasons is, in my eyes, nothing but pornography, no matter if it is called "holy sex." Then it should not be sold, but just given away to help mankind! The only thing we humans should revere as "holy" is our right "to live and let each other live our lives in our own way and manner!" Often I am worried about the future of the Bruderhof, as in Jonestown and a few days ago in the States. Yes, I worry to what extent the Bruderhof leaders will eventually go to get what they want -- complete control!

For the time being I have stopped again contributing to KIT. Probably I expected too much and hoped for reactions and letters, but all I got after two months is my own letter in KIT. So I will just read the newsletter and respond personally if I think it's worthwhile. Also I stopped writing to the Bruderhof. They have their own "human rights law": everything is forbidden and most things strictly forbidden.

Hans-Jurg, 9/17/97: Thank you for responding to my serious operation. You are quite right, I should have consulted a doctor about three years ago. Medical care in Paraguay is bad, so I just did not want to get into the grinder of hospital tests and so forth. I only went for help when I could no longer stand the pain. I was admitted at once and operated on the next morning at 11 A.M. All went well, but what really got me was that I had to be operated on again five days later. Now I am home and very weak -- I look like my own skeleton!

Someone phoned the Bruderhof about my situation while I was still in hospital. My brother phoned and said, "We share your need and think of you with love but why did you have to write such a nasty letter to KIT?" Okay, maybe my letter was a little "nasty," but am I not right, after all, that forgiveness is not a science for the Bruderhof? He could have asked how I was feeling and that would have been a first step for forgiveness on both sides!

This whole situation with the Bruderhof has so many strange aspects. A time ago my brother Andreas wrote, "I never read any KIT letters, the same as I never read porno!" Maybe they sit in front of the Internet and read everything that comes in. They must do so, because I had this reaction from Andreas even before I had my copy of the KIT newsletter. I think the KIT editors also did not really understand what I meant by "extortion." What I wanted to say was that if forgiveness can be bought with money (i.e. books) then this is nothing but extortion, and I still feel that way.

Hans-Jurg, 11/30/97: For the time being I will not write for KIT, but once I feel better, I will come back and maybe be able to say more clearly what it is I want to say. Also I have had some contact with my family on the Bruderhof and think it only fair to wait a while with any further KIT contributions. Everything I thought so important has lost its urgency, but I am amazed how the Bruderhof always manages to point to us as evildoers. E.g., my brother Andreas asked me on the phone, "What do you have against JCA?" I said nothing, and during the talk we realized that JCA has something against me! I wrote to him personally when he bought his killing weapon, but never had a reply. Doesn't matter any more!

Actually I'm not feeling too bad at the moment, and I had a talk with the specialist about chemotherapy and he said that this would give me about a sixty percent chance to live. Now I have also had a phone call from KITfolks in England that there is an alternative medication which is much less destructive, and this also gives me a sixty percent chance. So I chose the alternative medication, which was brought to me here in Paraguay with so much love that I feel it just must be the thing I need.

I had to laugh about your remark in KIT that "Hans-Jurg is so terribly honest." This honesty has brought me into much trouble also in my work situation. My boss said, "Really, John, you need not be that honest." My only answer could be, "if I want a place in this business, I have to earn it with work and honesty. Any other way would make me lose whatever it is I've got!"

Now this illness has made me weak and dependent! As we were taught as children, the Great Creator made all things, and also knows best why He puts such a plight on us. I believe in God as the ultimate energy, and all of us have a little of this energy. Should I die, I would, therefore like to be cremated so that all my energy will be reunited with the ultimate energy! Then all I am will be face-to-face with the Great Creator, and that will be the beginning of something new! All my love,

Well, here we go again. Save the weekend of May 16th and 17th, 1998. We think, this year, we'll personally plan to arrive fairly early on Saturday morning rather than Friday evening, although the campground will be available Friday for those who wish to make it a long weekend.

The location is Rocky Gap State Park, about six miles east of Cumberland, MD. As always, there will be no schedule and no agenda. Lots of talk, some singing, long walks, fishing for "thems-that-fishes," cooking out, canoes and wading in the lake (pretty chilly for swimming in May). There are a couple of motels nearby for those that don't enjoy sleeping on the ground!

Of course, you may choose to attend the picnic only, scheduled for Sunday. We will set the time on Sunday for the big picnic. Let's target that for 1:00 PM so that we have enough time to eat well and talk while allowing enough time to return home whatever distance is required. As some of you know, we've had campers from as far away as New Jersey, Georgia, New York and Connecticut. This year we anticipate a special family from the western colonies!

Be ready for wet or chilly weather but, if past reunions count for anything, anticipate a wonderful spring weekend. More details as the date gets closer. In the meantime, for those who want more information in advance, give us a call at 301-854-2099 during the week between 10 AM and 5 PM ET.

All former Bruderhofers, their families and friends are welcome. We look forward to the day we can invite families from the Bruderhof as well; that will be a joyous day!

The article described Darvell and interviewed Bruderhof members David and Fiona Hibbs as the couple "as close as any in Robertsbridge to the family shown in Heaven On Earth, but there are many differences between this life and its fictional portrayal. The most crucial is that the real-life Bruderhof community is run by mutual consent with even the most minor matters thrashed out in committee, and there are built-in safeguards to prevent any one member gaining control."

The Hibbses were enthusiastic visitors and, "ignoring the Bruderhof's council, they sold their home, thinking it was sufficient proof of commitment." Two months or so later, they were asked to leave because they were seen as "too concerned with materialism and worldly power. Eventually they were allowed back."

Fiona Hibbs explained that they do not live "in total harmony," not because of religious disputes "but the same silly annoyances that flare up in any close-knit group." Even small decisions are made by consensus. "Most seem to defer cheerfully to the will of the majority."

KITfolk were represented by Ben Cavanna. "He said, 'My earliest memory is of crying after being separated from my parents. They had been sent to start another community in Uruguay, where I was born. They had questioned the leadership. I was taken to see them once and couldn't understand why they wouldn't allow me to stay with them. I was only four and missed them terribly. Other members looked after me and my brothers and sisters in rotation. That became the pattern of my life. You had to do what was best for the community, not just the family.'"

He described his Ausschluss at 13 for peeping at a girl undressing: "'I wasn't allowed to talk to my family. I could ask for things, but that was it. I suffered for four months. They wouldn't tell me when my life would become normal again; it seemed neverending. I had to do my school work alone. In the afternoons, instead of doing crafts or games, I'd be put to work in the workshop or in the gardens with adults. A lot of them didn't know I had a no-speaking clause. Occasionally I'd answer out of politeness and someone would report to the minister, so I'd get in trouble for acting frivolously. People were screamed at in public by the elders. You can be accused of being selfish or faithless. I saw my sister shouted at in front of everyone after she was accused of being proud. It was frightening to watch and happened regularly. After the Ausschluss I thought I was bad and if only I could stop being bad I could become one of them.' Ben doubts whether he will see his parents again."

The reporter summed up by saying, "Radio Times described 'Heaven On Earth' as 'Witness meets Waco.' But the likelihood of a character such as David Koresh -- the self-styled Messiah whose Branch Davidian sect went up in flames after the siege in Waco, Texas, in 1993 -- staging a similar outrage in sunny Sussex is mercifully remote. As remote as the Bruderhof family is from reality."

I was and am hard-put to answer that question. But it must surely have something to do with the fact that the readership of KIT and attendees of the EuroKIT and Friendly Crossways reunions have reported and heard reports of repression, suppression, aggression, intimidation, false accusations, kangaroo courts, abuse, isolation, greed, deception and other forms of mistreatment and dishonorable acts committed and condoned by the SOB/Bruderhof or whatever leadership.

In many ways I am lucky. Before we ever went to the Bruderhof, my parents provided me and my family with a sense of "being" and "belonging." Additionally, Dad emphasized that a person is no better than their word. Further, a person, good -- bad -- whatever -- is known by the sum of the person's identifying characteristics. That is to say, any person is to some extent good, bad, greedy, compassionate and so on. The choices a person makes and the cost of those choices define that person.

It is my assertion the Society of Brothers/Hutterian Brethren East/Bruderhof/Bruderhof Communities of New York Inc. robbed my family and me of our birthright of "being" and "belonging." My association with KIT people has led me to contemplate and evaluate the nature and extent of both the good and bad effects of the SOB experience on my family.

Listing the positive effects first:

1) I would not know or be in contact with many of you people out there: Johnsons, Kluvers, Ellisons, Hollands, Le Blancs, Purcells, Peters, Baers, and the massive Arnold tribe, Mushi, Heidi, Sam, Gerhard, Johannes, Bette, Baltz and Monica, and the many others I have not listed but who are important to me.

2) One possible overall benefit of my SOB experience is that many of my compadres from youthful, pre-SOB days are either dead as a result of criminal activities or serving extended prison sentences.

3) My family and I were exposed to a wide range of experiences not found in normal American lower class society. One of the hard- learned lessons from the SOB is that of Class.

The negative column:

4) My sisters and I are denied the association with one sister who has died. I am very sensitive to you who point to the pain and sorrow of not being able to visit with friends and family in the BCofNY Inc. However, you still have the hope of seeing them sometime; my sister and I do not!

1)My parents died in abject poverty. The BCofNY Inc. flies around in a corporate jet, tending their multi-million dollar, multi-national shenanigans paid for in part by my parents!

2) Closer to my heart and concern, the SOB, for more than thirty years, denied our existence and ignored our welfare -- voiding and nullifying our parent's training that we had valued and belonged!

3) The SOB/BCofNY Inc. continues to manipulate and exert control where they have no right, authority or business being involved!

After the devastating SOB experience, my primary concern has been to reestablish a sense of being and belonging, a sense of my personal worth, the credibility of my word and a basic respect for other people. The sense of belonging also includes the fact that my family, while at the SOB, did contribute in many ways.

Many of you may or may not be aware that Martha, my sister and I, after long, careful thought, brought suit in 1970 against the then-SOB for Fraud and Breach of Contract. In part we brought the suit because the organization had failed to respond to any of our attempts at communication. Additionally, many of the friends who we had here in California and who had relatives in the SOB refused to associate with me, and called me a liar and worse. The grounds for their claim that I lied was my assertion that Heini did not in fact live as a devoted early Anabaptist as was claimed by the SOB. When I attempted to state my case, I was told I was untruthful, spiteful and unChristian. The deciding factor in our decision to sue was when Konrad Kluver visited my parents and unknowingly substantiated many things I had tried to relate to my parents.

The result of Konrad's visit was a family meeting where each of us told our story of what happened from our own perspective. From the information exchanged, it would seem that we had been five different people living in five different worlds. The only commonalty was that all our accusers and their "witnesses" were the same, or of the same families. What became increasingly clear, as the family meeting progressed, was the fact that we had, as a family and individually, as Virginia phrased it, "Been screwed by the best of the Machiavellian bastards!"

Marty and I discussed the situation, wrote to people we knew, stated our case and asked if there was any interest in working with us. The responses ranged from a very guarded "Go-to-it" to "Leave me out of it!" When the suit was formally filed, Martha and I told our attorney, "If any Brother or Sister contacts you to ask 'Why?' or 'What's their problem?' put it all on hold and we will talk." The SOB response was to hire Pillsbury, Madison and Sutro, the biggest, most expensive law firm on the West Coast. Pillsbury, Madison and Sutro responded for the SOB claiming the suit should be dismissed because:

A) The Society of Brothers no longer existed!

B) The defendants Heini Arnold, Dick Domer and Doug Moody had no knowledge of Martha and/or David Ostrom or their family!

Bottom line: between January 1973 and April 1973, our first son David died, Virginia died and my wife and I were under severe strain. PM&S made an offer extended by the SOB to settle out of court on the very morning that the case was set to begin trial! Our attorney, Mr. Willett, recommended accepting the settlement even though it took away our most basic legal rights! Mr. Willett's opinion was that if we could actually get it to trial, (there was another SOB delay in process to be heard that morning) we would win hands down, it was open and shut. However, the SOB had sufficient money, power and clout that in his, Mr. Willett's, candid opinion, we could never get it to trial.

I filed this away as a lesson learned. The family and some of our friends now saw, but would not admit to me, that the SOB leadership was a fake and a sham!

Fast forward fifteen years and I got a call from Ramon. We met, talked, and a few weeks later, after some talk with Charlie, Ramon, Vince and Christina, KIT was born, followed a few months later with the organization of The Peregrine Foundation.

As reported in some of the first issues of KIT, some years earlier I had taken my family on a vacation through the East, going by Oak Lake, Woodcrest and visiting Forest River. I reported in KIT on the difference of reception at the various locations. This was in response to the BCofNY Inc.'s claim that things had changed. To prove it, Torches Rekindled was published, as the BCof NY Inc. claimed, showing "warts and all." One of the first responses I had to my rebuttal of their claims was a three-paragraph note from JCA in which he questioned my credibility. He then went on to apologize using the word 'if' twenty-seven times in one paragraph!

Cutting to the chase, after a year's correspondence with various people at different hofs I had the occasion to be going to New Jersey. I related the same to JCA, and he and others at Woodcrest extended an invitation to come and talk with them. I did so in November of 1990.

After a lengthy meeting with Dave Maendel, Maria's (nee Annlisa's) husband, Andreas Meier, Dick Thompson, Dick Domer and some others, JCA asked that I attend a Brotherhood meeting! One of the key issues discussed at the morning meeting with Dick, Dick, Andreas and Dave was the existence and authenticity of a letter that I had reason to believe was contained in the Woodcrest archives. This letter contained false accusations against members of my family and me, plus several other children at Forest River. I have in my possession a letter from Dick Domer stating unequivocally that such a letter did not exist and never had existed!

After some pressure from me, JCA sent Ellen Keiderling out and she returned with a copy of that very letter! I read the letter and addressed JCA and Dick Domer, "Dick you told me this did not exist. Why?" JCA did the classic James Stewart "geeze and shuckins and golly-darn" shuffle and did not say anything. Dick very breezily said, "Why, we acted on our attorney's advice!" The following morning I attended the Brotherhood meeting.

For you who had the experience of the military, have you ever been to a Courts Martial? It was the same feeling!! The Brotherhood, upon orders from Christoph, extended joint and individual requests for forgiveness. I stated then to the Brotherhood, forgiveness was not easily or lightly given or stated. I conditionally accepted their apology, but stipulated that time would indicate whether there was a real change and new beginning here. Even before the second Friendly Crossways conference, my family and I visited Woodcrest where quiet, subtle pressure was brought to try and get me to commit to the shutting down of KIT.

For the following year, the BCofNY Inc. maintained contact with me, exerting pressure on me to use my position (whatever they perceived it to be) to stop the dissemination of KIT. The last such communication I had was a call initiated by JCA in which he lamented how the community "could not allow association with all of us perverts, sinners and in general bad people." When I would not buy that, Dick Domer came on line and, in what I have to take as a veiled threat, suggested I comply with their, the BCofNY Inc.'s, wishes or 'bad things could happen.' Dick then went on to quote a private e-mail message that I had sent to another KIT reader.

Dick stated that his son Joe worked for Prodigy and had developed a program to monitor any communications, private or otherwise, that contained the words "Bruderhof", "Society of Brothers", "Hutterian Society of Brothers", "Woodcrest", "New Meadow Run" or any of the other BCofNY Inc. sites. Dick's quotation of my message was an attempt to prove to me that he, Dick, had access to my and other's private e-mail correspondence. He and others at Woodcrest were prepared to use this information in such a way as to inflict maximum damage to us! End of communications with the SOB/BCofNY Inc.

I contacted my internet provider at that time and they indirectly acknowledged a problem with security. There was sufficient data to merit a criminal investigation into this notice of breach of security by the Woodcrest leadership. This incident with Dick occurred just before the first EuroKIT at Ridgeway. I called several people here in the States to seek advice, as I had and have a reputation as "a loose cannon." The response was unanimously guarded: "Don't do anything." I also explained the circumstances and events to people at Ridgeway and again sought advice. Again the responses were "Don't do anything!" Some even went as far as to make veiled threats of action against me if I continued to pursue criminal action against Woodcrest and the now BCofNY Inc.

History has shown, evidenced by the tapping of the Winters' phone, the campaign against the 800 number, the events at the church in Kingston, the suits against COBI, KIT, Peregrine and named individuals, that the BCofNY apparently has little or no respect for people other than their "chosen few." Had we vigorously pursued a criminal investigation of the BCofNY Inc.'s assertions of their breaching private communications, the leadership at BCofNY Inc. would have had a far different experience than they have to date and, maybe, just maybe, we would have a different relationship.

Back full circle: why am I with Peregrine? I am very concerned for all the people out there who are trying to recover from their experiences. I am very concerned and bothered that I and my family cannot be of better assistance to Dot and her family for example. I am concerned for the Hans-Jurg Meiers and others, such as Dave Waldner and Mike Caine.

There is a limit to how much one person or family can positively impact a situation. What I can do is try and provide mental space, a haven or respite, for people through Peregrine/KIT. By this I mean a validation of the person, their feelings, emotions and needs, and where possible provide material support in whatever way is feasible and realistic.

In return, I seek the same validation, credibility and respect. This quest also extends to the BCofNY Inc. Just as I am presently working to see if I might be of assistance to the Hutterites and Palmgrove, I would like to be able to work with people of the Bruderhof. As Joe Maendel so plainly put it, "We are walking parallel paths, not head-on, but maybe converging." I had the real sense that Joe and the Hutterites accepted me and my family as we are -- no condemnation and no judgment. We can work together!

One of the first evenings at a KIT session, I made an observation that if KIT/Peregrine continued to expose and pressure the group now known as BCofNYInc., the leadership of that group, through their "dirty tricks department" or "hit squad", would take action including but not limited to harassment, intimidation and ultimately, if they deemed necessary for their well-being, maiming and murder. I stipulated specifically that the BCofNYInc. is not a religious organization in the sense of a church. It is more comparable to a zealous group of people, banded together by common fears, operating a very materialistic business motivated by greed and the lust for money and the power it brings. The leadership of this group will use any means it deems feasible, to stop or remove the opposition. The problem here is that there are many people outside of the BCofNYInc. who are related to those inside, and so find it difficult if not impossible to accept the fact the people inside (members of the BCofNYInc.) support a dictatorial and, as it is becoming more and more obvious, illegal organization.

One reason I say illegal is that the State of New York Charter for the group states in part, "we are founded on the early Anabaptist teachings and specifically those of Riedeman." Riedeman was against using the courts to resolve disputes. Furthermore, the early Anabaptists shunned the use and display of worldly wealth and materialistic achievements. The charter, as worded, is fraudulent in that the BCofNY Inc. does not practice what it claims in its charter.

Contrary to the BCofNYInc.'s contention that Martha and I were the first people to be involved in litigation with the then-Society of Brothers, Heini Arnold himself some twenty years previous had initiated litigation against Marvin Crites here in California for something in which, in my opinion, Heini had no right or business being involved! There was an intentional community here in California at Gridley where some of the members went to the SoB and some elected to stay. In one case, one spouse went to the SOB while the other did not. Marvin Crites had a financial agreement with the spouse who remained here in California. Heini brought suit against Marvin to collect money for the spouse in the SOB. This was in 1952-1953. There are two or three more examples of where the BCofNY Inc., or any one of its aliases, has been involved in disputes concerning inheritances.

The BCofNYInc., under the name of The Society of Brothers (the alias being used at that time, and I use BCofNY Inc. to include the Society of Brothers, Bruderhof, Hutterian Brethren East and all the other aliases used by the organization) did in fact lure my parents and others to the SoB's communities,. Then, after receiving the last little amount of monetary worth from them, the SoB leadership ejected them from the communities with nothing! According to my father, he carried back the "paper" for our property in California. When the last payment was received by the BCofNY in July of 1960, a Tuesday, the following night there was a Brotherhood meeting where Dad, Marty and Virginia were ejected from the community! Further, in The Plough and other BCofNY Inc. publications (then known as the "Plough Publishing House") the public was informed that the organization had an open-door policy and nothing was expected other than to share the work load. That's not the way we were treated.

First, we had to "call in and request permission to enter Woodcrest." Then we had to wait like tradesmen at the back door while our request was considered. Second, when we had been at Woodcrest less than three months, (Mom and Dad had not yet even asked for the Novitiate) Heini requested that Dad turn over the money and car to the community, "...as it was costing them for us to be there." This is while Dad and I were working full shift in the factory, pulling kitchen duty along with the rest, Mom and Virginia were in the work force full time! We were costing them money? False advertising!

I have three years of letters that document Dick Domer's Machiavellian morality. This entire experience permeates my reactions. The BCofNY Inc. has, since it's inception, had free rein as to how it conducts business inside the community. The leadership has grown up under this lack of outside restraint, and now they think they are invincible! We on the outside have neighbors, city or town, community, church, social and other influences that subtly or not so subtly tell us that we live in a community of people and must respect the rights of others. In the BCofNY Inc. everyone below the rank of Witness Brother or its present equivalent, bows and scrapes to the demands of the "leadership." The leadership has come to believe that they are infallible. This cavalier attitude is expressed in very real and threatening actions!

When I challenged the accuracy of M. Mow's book, Torches Rekindled, the BCofNY Inc. first threatened a smear campaign. When I invited them to try, the next step was 'negotiation.' The really sad part of this is that many of the rank and file, I believe, were and are sincere in the hope of reconciliation or negotiation. However, it soon became apparent that only a 'selected few' were allowed in on the entire story, past and present. The result was my 1992 trip to Woodcrest and the command appearance before the Brotherhood.

For the former brotherhood members that get this, yes, it was a command performance. I was directed to the Domers and other 'safe' people. Anytime that I was 'in public,' it was very controlled. But because of a sense of relief on my part, a naive sense of relief at the 'reconciliation,' I was slow to become fully aware of the BCofNY Inc. leadership's duplicity. This was the time they also visited Ramon in the early days of KIT. Dick and Lois Ann Domer stayed at my home (bohemian as it is) at our invitation.

Dick brought a $500 check to "help" with my Dad's medical expenses of $2800 per month or more! I drew the conclusion the reconciliation was insincere. I told Dick and Lois Ann that I didn't want their money. Dad had a dire need of physical therapy. The brotherhood had several physical therapists. Why didn't they send out a therapist for a few weeks or months and I would provide food and shelter and they could help Dad. Sounds good, right? No Way!!!

Shortly after this I started getting calls from JCA and D. Domer, first asking for my support, then demanding my support against KIT. I would get 3 AM phone calls from Dick Domer in a very demanding tone, demanding that I "stop this malicious slander by KIT!" When this failed, I received a letter from a brother and sister, for whom I had great respect, pleading that, as they had admitted their error, couldn't I find it in my heart to stand against KIT? The last direct communication was from JCA initiating a call to me. When he failed to gain my support in shutting down KIT, Dick Domer came on with his, for me, now-famous statement regarding his and his son Joe's breaching the security of my and other KIT reader's e-mail. Further, if I didn't see my way to assisting them, "bad things could happen to me and my family! Now this quote is not verbatim, but it is close enough that I will swear under oath in court that this was the conversation!

The entire abuse issue is a very volatile subject. There is a fine line between the kangaroo courts of fraternal organizations and "taking the law into one's own hands," which the BCofNY Inc. did and does on a regular and routine basis. Any time there is dissension in the organization, individuals are singled out and harassed and intimidated until a "confession" is obtained. The confession is then filed and recorded, and at any time can be used against the individual. This is in direct violation of the U.S. Constitution and a person's right to a fair trial and to no double jeopardy. The Brotherhood, by remaining silent, is condoning and supporting the illegal activities of the leadership. The intense, 24-hour and 48-hour and longer interrogation of minors without family or representation is illegal in most civilized countries. Many of the children from Forest River circa 1956 can relate horror stories regarding their treatment by Servants and Witness Brothers and their wives! This type of treatment continues today, as evidenced by Susie Zumpe and Mary Clare.

After thirty years of cynicism regarding anyone or any group claiming to be Christian, I have recently become involved and baptized in a local Baptist Church. At Fair Oaks, there was no one at the door making me wait while they checked my credentials. I just walked in and attended a Sunday service. The sermon sounded as if directed at me! After a few weeks, I joined a church group. When I asked them about baptism and "the requirements," it was simple: "Do you believe in God and that Christ Son of God came and died for our sins? Have you confessed your sins to God in prayer?" There was no deacon's board or board of elders gathered round "panting with their tongues hanging out" as I "confessed my sins." There was no extended period of isolation where "public confessions" were extracted and catalogued.

This last Christmas was the most enlightening. My daughter Nancy (17) has been friends with a boy whose father is a street minister in Oakland. At Christmas, Nancy and I were invited by the boy and his family to help them serve Christmas dinner to the street people. We accepted and spent most of the day cooking and serving people on the streets of Oakland. There was Rev. Martinez and two other ministers in our group. We were serving people on 23rd and E. 14th Streets in Oakland. There were maybe 20 homeless people there. Having been served, they were eating. The ministers were moving among them, just talking with the people, not preaching, just listening to the homeless' concerns and cares. This young lady came to be served, very attractive in a brittle sort of way.

Her clothing was obviously a sexual invitation. No one said anything. We on the serving line greeted and welcomed her. She got her food and was seated. One of the minister's wives sat with her and they chatted. The lady finished and left. Mrs. Martinez, our hostess came by where I was working and related that the lady was a 'hooker.' No one appeared distressed or worried. Our hostess went on to relate that many of the girls that had eaten and were eating there were "ladies of the street." They came and ate between tricks!

The year before, in talking to the girls, one or two had indicated an interest in getting out and away from that kind of life. The ministers had followed up, and the girls were now in other, more healthy, better jobs and life-styles. As she related this, I was struck by the words of JCA, Dick Domer, Chris Winter, Andreas Meier and others of the BCofNY Inc.: "I cannot let you associate with my family and contaminate them with your evilness!" Regardless of one's religious belief or lack thereof, this comparison makes it obvious as to who is truly following God and Christ's commands.

So to answer the question: 'Why am I on the Peregrine Board?' It is simply to assist in whatever way I can to provide a safe haven for people who need help recovering from their association with 'high demand' groups. Further, to provide a forum or venue where all sides of an issue can be presented and heard. I don't know how much more threatening and potentially illegal one can get than the way the 'hood interacted with me. Not until the BCofNY Inc. makes real, concrete, positive moves, will I believe in the sincerity of their motives. When my help is no longer needed, I, me, Yosemite Sam, Oakie and the Redneck, will mount our respective conveyances and make off into the western sunset.

I find it very interesting, and it helps me understand a lot about the differences and why they are actually so different. For example, the Hutterians believe that it is better for each community to be financially independent of each other. The Bruderhof of course does not function in this way because the money is shared around between the different communities regardless of where it comes from. So there is a basic difference already.

Another area where there is a major difference, is that the two groups have evolved from entirely different backgrounds. The Hutterites rely on on-the-job practical training, whereas the B'hof places a higher value on education. Also members of the B'hof come from many different backgrounds and cultures and religions, whereas Hutterites come from more orthodox traditions. These are just two examples. It is really no wonder that the two groups cannot get on. In this article he says that they have come to this conclusion because of several bad experiences.

One such example was given: at first there was a keen interchange of values and intermarriages were encouraged, but unfortunately it backfired. A few sisters from the B'hof married Hutterite men and moved to the western colonies. Eventually they had to return back east because they could not adjust and survive the different culture. This of course caused many problems and much heartache. Then everybody blames everybody else for the breakdown and it causes nothing but trouble and pain.

Reading this article makes me realise a lot better something of what has been going on. I myself could never understand why the B'hof, in which I had grown up, should keep on wanting to go back to the Hutterites and be so desperate to unite with them. If they are so different, why not just acknowledge that fact and stay friends? I have nothing against the Hutterite Churches: the fact that they have managed to keep going and survive for all these years says that there must be something good there. I do believe that the B'hof always thinks that they are the only right church. I was brought up with this belief myself, so whenever they come across another religious group or church, they believe that they are right in every way they live their lives and the others are then obviously wrong, so they have to go about changing the other group or person. This does seem rather conceited.

I must say also that the Hutterites write in a much more friendly way. That famous letter for example, written by the B'hof to the Hutterites, which was then later printed in KIT and which caused so much trouble, was just so critical, judgmental, nasty and fault-finding that I was really quite shocked. I am not surprised that the B'hof were not too happy later to see it printed in KIT. Of course as we have also found out over the years, they will treat any people in that sort of way who happen to speak out against them or disagree with them in any way. This is the case whether one is a member there, whether one has been sent away and is in some sort of trouble with them, whether one is an ex-member with an axe to grind or whether one is just anybody who happens to have an interest in that way of life for whatever reason.

In the article, Samuel Kleinsasser also says .... "They saw us as a ready made mission field, and set about recruiting converts with missionary zeal and enthusiasm, sparing neither means, expense nor time for this cause". This quote says a lot.

The article quotes a letter from the B'hof to the Hutterites, about the Lords supper at Easter. It says that "The Bruderhof is devious and manipulative to try and split others by devious means. They talk typically about 'love' and solidarity and repenting. The Bruderhof singles out a minor point or adds one, according to a passing fancy of the then-presiding leadership" Looking from the outside, it all sounds so familiar to see how they control people. These are all the same methods which are used against members on the Bruderhof to control them. The article says that the Bruderhof even managed to disrupt the Hutterite Churches and bring a lot of conflict into their community's.

The Bruderhof says that the holy spirit is the word of God. Well, we know that the holy spirit speaks through the Servant who is the leader, so that makes him all powerful over his flock.

Maybe the Bruderhof has now regretted sending so many of us away. We can now write and say what we want. We can praise or criticize as much as we want. It makes me think of Russia as it was. If they had dissidents with whom they could not cope, they would try to silence them by various means of intimidation. Some were too strong for this and would not cave in to pressure and, if the Western world got behind them, then sometimes they would be released. Of course then, when they were in the west, they could tell about what the regime was really like. We are a bit like that for the Bruderhof. We are a thorn in their side. Only we exes can do that effectively because we have lived the life, we have experienced it ourselves.

We write from reality, what we have seen, experienced, heard from friends and, above all, what we have felt. We have felt the pain of being hurt, of being 'sent to Coventry' which meant being cut off from everybody we knew, we have felt the pain when suddenly nobody was allowed to talk with us. Our friends were then actually frightened into carrying out this punishment for fear that otherwise they might get into trouble themselves. People who have not experienced this will not understand what it feels like, when you meet the people you know (on the B'hof perhaps 200 or more people whom we met regularly at work or mealtimes or whatever) so well constantly, and you do not know how to relate to them because you do not know how they will treat you or whether they will just ignore you (you are treated as a non-person) and you do not want to make life difficult for them by being too friendly. Of course you can sense immediately that you are not valued at all so any value people might otherwise have shown you has disappeared. Now if you express an opinion about anything, it is ignored. You do not count any more. This includes work. Suddenly you are treated as worthless there as well.

The Bruderhof is also a repressive regime. There is no freedom of expression or thought or in writing. Of course this is achieved in many ways, mainly by repression; there is no freedom to have access to news or other media or free information. When I lived there the only papers available were The Times or The Manchester Guardian, and that was only in the common room. The only other news to which we had access was when once a week someone would read out excerpts from newspapers. People there never feel free to say or write what they think or feel because they are always afraid that they might get into trouble. Members of my family who were or are on the Bruderhof have never really written anything proper because of this; they have just written about the flowers or such like.

To get back to where I was, only we can criticize the Bruderhof in a way which really hurts them, because only we can talk about the real life there and how that life affects people. Theologians and sociologists and others can discuss religion and theory about community, etc. as much as they like, but that will never hurt the Bruderhof in the same way, because they have an answer to every opinion and theory anybody can throw at them. That is why they hate KIT people so much. Bruderhof people can say whatever they like, but they cannot deny or take away the pain and hurt that many of us have actually experienced. If I say that I feel pain, sadness, despair, depressed, joy, anger or whatever, no person can deny me those feelings, because they are there.

Reading the latest February KIT, there is a lot of forgiveness discussion quoted from different people on the Internet in connection with the Bruderhof. I find it interesting to a certain degree, but also I feel that whatever theories we have or whatever the true meaning of forgiveness is, in the end what matters is action. If someone, e.g. the Bruderhof or their representatives, are sorry about how they have treated people, then they will show this by their actions. Actions speak louder than words! When they finally allow free access for outsiders to family members or friends inside, when they encourage their members to communicate and meet up with family members outside for example, then I will believe that they have changed, not just when they say they have changed.

All my four brothers and sisters who live outside have been 'cut off' from our sister, Jenny, who is still on the Bruderhof. This has been the case since the day that I helped rescue my sister Ruthie two years ago. No contact, no letters. I have written about 9 or 10 letters, but not one reply or acknowledgment that Jenny is even alive. If that is brotherly love, then I don't know.

Another thing we need to be aware of: I am sure that in their cunning they would love to split us, not that we are a group or united in any way. If the Bruderhof can split us and get some on their side so to speak, or to sympathise with them, that will give them extra strength and more power against the rest, (the rest of "the enemy"). Let's not forget, to them we are the enemy, we are evil. If they can weaken the enemy, that gives them more power. I will only ever believe that they want to make things up with me when they tell me that they want to meet up and discuss things openly and honestly. Also when they say that they will never again threaten exes with lawsuits and stop threatening and harassing people.

I like what Charlie Lamar wrote in the February KIT and I agree with most of what he says. Thank you for what you wrote, Charlie, and for the way you have explained various points. Greetings,

The article reports that the book "disappeared from the shelves after the Bruderhof... threatened to sue. The book claims the Bruderhof is a repressive regime where dissenters face ostracism, women's aspirations are denied, leaders are obsessed with sexual inquiries and members are haunted by fear of demonic attack."

Inquiries to the publisher are being met with a statement that the book is now 'out of print' or 'out of stock and being reprinted.' Meanwhile, "sources told The Observer that, while 2500 copies of the £14.99 book were printed, it was withdrawn from the shops and 'the entire print run was bought by the Bruderhof.'"

One of the book's other authors stated that SPCK "decided the book was not worth going to court over. The Bruderhof had no case at all, no apology has been offered and the book has not been formally withdrawn... but it has quietly disappeared. It looks as though it will come back on the shelves without that chapter."

Meanwhile, the Bruderhof has not commented, and the publishing director of SPCK "admitted that the Bruderhof had bought up copies but refused to say how many. He said he understood many Bruderhof supporters had also been buying the book from the shops. 'They didn't like the book, it is now out of print, and we need to update it before reprinting.'"

I asked about the other authors: did they know the book was no longer available, as you hadn't been informed by SPCK but had heard through the Bruderhof's pressure tactics on Oxford University Press. He said it was hoped to reprint the book in some form or other, so I said, "You mean without Julius Rubin's chapter?" He left that remark 'hanging in the air.'

It was a pretty awkward conversation. I was aware of his discomfort. I was left feeling very angry -- the Bruderhof have been given everything they want without adverse publicity, plus they can use the SPCK capitulation as ammunition to put pressure on Oxford University Press. I talked to INFORM (Information Network for New Religious Movements) who had publicized the book at a recent conference on NMR's and the media which I had attended. They did not know, but promised to investigate and get back to me. I was also contacted by a journalist who wanted information about a review they were doing about a play which has some uncanny similarities to the Bruderhof. I also talked to Cult Information Exchange and another journalist so we'll see what emerges. That's all for now but I'll write again at the weekend,

P.S. I am able to send EuroKIT folk a photocopy of the offending chapter, if any want it.

I have not experienced forgiveness as a one-time episode in regards to TSOB, but rather as an ongoing life process. I have tried to face each painful trespass from the past, work through the grief process and relinquish the outcome to Him. I have had to do this in the present and will have to in the future. I am sensitive and even though I have "worked through" a great deal, I continue at times, especially around the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., to feel the terrible losses, very much as deaths, to TSOB of my parents and three of my siblings and their families even though they are still very much alive. They have chosen to cut off all contact for almost three years now.

I grieve the years of limited relationships because of their misguided beliefs. I grieve the wasted years of no communication. Their eight beautiful grandchildren (nieces and nephews) have almost all grown up. I miss not having parents who I could share all the trials and triumphs of life with, like so many of my friends have here. I grieve the reality of what never was. Even though my parents did the best they could with the tools they had at the time, their addiction to TSOB did not allow for the kind of unconditional, nurturing parental love that says, "I will always cherish you and be there for you no matter what happens. You are a girl from God therefore my first responsibility." Every child needs and deserves that precious assurance of truly being loved. I was left an orphan in a pseudo family "the community" that in reality never existed. I grieve what never will be.

I feel the deep pain at knowing of the on going lies, subversive activities, hypocrisy, control and abuses that continue within TSOB. It was especially hard to hear of the numerous suicide attempts there. That comes pretty close to home as that was the condition I was in at TSOB 16 years ago. I fear for my loved ones lives as they appear to be following the same route as so many totalitarian groups before them. I have to once again dump the load at His feet.

Sadly in the case of TSOB leadership that have asked our forgiveness, I really felt that they came with their own "need" and "guilt." Their emphasis was on assuaging their own feelings, not really wanting to truly know the great pain they had inflicted on and caused us. If there is remorse at all, one feels it's for themselves, not for us. To me this is a perversion and cheapens the whole reason for asking for forgiveness in the first place. We are victimized again because we are left holding the bag and are always seen as the "bad guy" if their view of forgiveness is not forth coming. In our case we felt so sorry for them that our hearts couldn't do anything else but verbally forgive. The "working through" between us and God came with time as we recognized that there was not a thing we could do about the other person's beliefs, attitudes or actions. One hears "I don't remember" or "Yes, but you..."

When I tell my husband or children I'm sorry for something I've done I recognize and feel the pain of hurting them and our relationship. I'm truly sorry and make every effort at change. I don't want to repeat that offense again. Through my 42 years of growing up in and being affiliated with TSOB I have witnessed no change in this regards. The abuses continue. I don't anticipate any change as that's all part and parcel of their institutional "by-laws". The methods may change, but never the intent to control. The whole foundation of their distorted belief system and way of life would crumble if they would ever admit to their long history of abuses and why they need to control through those abuses. They could never afford that.

To admit that your whole life has been based on a lie (the false idolatry of worshipping at the altar of the institution of the Bruderhof), that has nothing to do with Jesus, is too devastating for most people to live with. (My mind still reels and numbs at the enormity of the deception and pain of this reality. All that I had been taught was "truth" and '"the only way" was in fact not. The whole foundation of my life was wiped out from beneath me and I had to start from ground zero with the help of my Heavenly Father to totally rebuild my life.) I think especially of the elderly, our parents who gave many years of their blood, sweat and tears into the perpetuation of the lie, many of whom I believe don't know it because they can't see beyond "the system" they are caught in. My heart aches. These members include my parents, my sister and two brothers and their families and all the many people we learned to love while we were there. The future for them scares me. Once again I take that fear and give them back to God.

Just a note because it's been brought up several times as to why there has been a drop in the "younger" or "sometimes" subscribers contributions. Most of us at great cost spiritually, emotionally, physically and economically have had to rebuild our lives from the ashes. It's taken many years to even begin to heal from the ravages of our experience with TSOB. Those of us who have children have not only had to deal with our myriad of issues but of those of the children. On top of this we have had to make some semblance of order in our daily lives supporting our families as we have made the tremendous adjustment out of a distorted subculture into the society at large. I also felt a responsibility for my children in regards to the faith issue. I couldn't "throw the baby out with the bath water". I had to heal and work through each false teaching of TSOB as it came to light so I could finally really know God and be able to pass the knowledge of His love on to them.

We (all us survivors) have different personalities, are at different points in our recoveries, have different responsibilities and lifestyles now. Some of us can emotionally handle the constant "news" of what's going on with TSOB, thriving on getting involved with other survivors and trying to bring about change. For others of us it's just too painful and exacerbates our very struggle for survival. Others of us just want to get on with our lives believing one doesn't keep "hitting oneself by continuing to walk back into the brick wall" and revisiting the past sites of abuse. Some have made a conscious decision not to recognize TSOB as an entity therefore not allowing the infringement into their lives. Some of us don't want to jeopardize even the limited contact with loved ones at TSOB. Let's celebrate and respect our diversity!

The issue of the vows that were made for the novitiate or baptism comes up repeatedly as a club of false guilt held over our heads another game and attempt at control even many years after expulsion. Only we can allow those insidious tentacles of TSOB to affect our well being today. I can't let their legalism impede my full relationship with God ever again. As a novice I made my vow to God to be faithful to Him with the intention and hope to spend my life at TSOB as part of the vow. At that time I did not see the manipulative control (laying on of false guilt) that was used by the institution to keep one in spiritual bondage and hostage to their group (not God) alone. If you think about it their attitude is really very arrogant before the Maker of the Universe. That they dare to abuse and try to control peoples' hearts, minds and souls in His name in such a way smacks right in the face of everything He truly is. Their hearts are so small and closed. In a way one has to feel sorry for them because their vision is so narrow and they can't and don't begin to know His awesome real empowering, engulfing and freeing love.

I'm so thankful He rescued me (us) out of there! After letting go of that suffocating false guilt I have enjoyed very much discovering the many other forms of worship that other denominations and faiths share. I have been a member of several churches and have chosen to transfer membership for various reasons, i.e. too far to travel, dissolving of a church planting and not wanting to be a part of legalism ever again. I (We) will always bear the scars of our pasts but the wounds can heal. This is also true for the present and future if I (we) just remember to continue to turn to Him. I am free! He gives me the freedom to love and be loved, to forgive and be forgiven and to continue to grow and flourish right where I am. Yes!! I can fly!

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KIT: The alt.support.bruderhof newsgroup has been very active, with a number of young Bruderhof-born-and-bred young men showing up. Here are some responses, both from the newsgroup and from e-mail. Inasmuch as names are not essential to the comprehension of this dialogue, KIT will identify them as "A," "B," and "C."

Mel Fros in alt.support.bruderhof, 2/20/98: Welcome to our discussion group, Wes. I hope you will find a trusting and helpful environment here. As you may have noticed, my bringing up the issue of church discipline is directly related to critical issues several of us are dealing with. You can not fully appreciate how much this group means to me unless you know that I am totally deaf since age 17. To have this group and the electronic means to allow me to participate is indeed a huge gift for me! I trust the people I know in this group and feel very comfortable in their midst. I know that if I should step out of bounds, they will gently point me back to Christ. Here I can express my doubts ("the ants-in-your-pants of faith") without fearing church discipline. Here, I can "work out (my) salvation with fear and trembling" (Romans 2:12-13).

Wes, you felt that Jesus' association with pagans and tax collectors is an issue distinct from that of church discipline as we have it recorded in Matt. 18:17. While it is true that Jesus' association with these folks must be seen in light of His greater mission, is it not also true to say that we have no clear-cut example of exactly Jesus meant in vs. 17? And is it not also true that whatever He meant, it must be in keeping with the spirit of His other teachings (particularly those recorded in the "Sermon on the Mount")?

If this is so, then I would venture to practice Matt. 18:17 in the following manner: My brother is unrepentant of obvious sin to which "two or three witnesses" have testified. Therefore I can no longer worship with him and enjoy the brotherly relationship we once shared. However, in keeping with Jesus' other teachings, I will treat my wayward brother respectfully, with dignity and in a civil manner. I will go out of my way to ensure that my conduct is such that it does not further aggravate the situation.

Wes, fleshing out Matt. 18:15-18 is where the Bruderhof is found wanting, in my opinion. Wayne pointed out that the authority given to the Church to discipline is a very serious matter and can only be undertaken by the gathered Body of Christ, with due consideration for all parties involved. And Mike reminds us of the need for compassion for the sinning brother/sister. Testimony based on witnesses (Numbers 35:30) has a long tradition!

Let's look at some specific examples of how the Bruderhof practices the words of Matt. 18.

1) A 14-year-old, very hard-of-hearing boy is found to be a peeping tom. He is brought into a meeting to face the full wrath of at least four ministers who angrily shout accusations that he can barely understand. The boy is in tears. He begs for mercy. He admits to his wrong conduct and asks for a chance to repent. But no! In complete violation of the spirit of Matt. 18 he, his father and his mother are asked to leave the community, while sisters remain behind. No further action is ever taken to bring the matter to a close! In the mean time, the boy looses his hearing altogether. He pleads with God to heal himÉ he vows to return and behave if only God will restore his hearing.

The ensuing silence is truly deafening! The boy grows into manhood, and only much, much later does he manage to find peace with his principal accuser by writing to him. He learns that the accuser has totally forgotten the incident! Still, the two manage to come to forgiveness and reconciliation.

2) A brother stands up in a Brotherhood meeting to protest what he considers to be non-loving conduct toward perceived 'enemies' of the Bruderhof (harassing phone calls). For that, he and his family are expelled. As this brother (who is participating in our news group) put it, he could not hate the enemies of the Bruderhof enough!

3) A young woman seeks earnestly and over many years to become a member. She faces numerous church exclusions. She contemplate suicide. In the end, she says she cannot find the Christ of her yearnings within the Bruderhof. To this day, she has forsaken all acquisition of property, security, marriage, children, home and hearth in order to serve God in the hinterlands of Africa. There, in Mozambique, she searches for orphaned children at a large municipal dump, brings them back to a "children's village" and ministers to their temporal and spiritual needs. Of her, the Bruderhof has said, "she broke her novice vows". To this day, she cannot visit her mother freely and unconditionally. She is rebuked for kissing her dying father gently on the forehead!

That, Wes, is but a small example of the way the Bruderhof chooses to practice the words of Jesus. Is this what Jesus meant when He said, "treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector?"

Given the attention paid to its public relations and its protectiveness of its reputation (as evidenced by recent lawsuits and the attempted and possibly successful suppression of a recent English Publication, "Harmful Religion"), this feels more like an orchestrated publicity effort. "Say it ain't so!" Better yet, the Bruderhof could prove that this is not so and truly demonstrate a life of witness to the Gospel of Christ.

If members of the Bruderhof are truly willing to risk their lives, there should certainly be a humble willingness to risk their reputation and work to resolve the ongoing grievances of children and former members of the communities.

There are allegations of sexual and emotional abuse, wiretaps, harassing phone calls to a help-line number, and many people are literally prohibited from contacting their family members within the community itself. These issues need to be addressed honestly and fairly by the Bruderhof. Recently there were some hopeful gestures from the elder, Christoph Arnold, and some family members were able to have parental visits. Two of those visits were very controlled and no issues of significance were "allowed" to be discussed. Some people outside of the community have their e-mail access to the elder and the community itself blocked and can only deal with the community's paralegals. A proposed mediation effort through the highly respected Mennonite Conciliation Services requested by various "outsiders" was turned down by the Bruderhof. Where is the witness of living the Gospel of Christ in all of this?

For all of the recent talk of reconciliation and forgiveness coming from the elder, there seems to have been no real heart change, no attempt at true reconciliation and restoration with these people that the Bruderhof blatantly labels its "enemies". Instead, there has simply been an increased attempt to quiet its critics. Is this to make good copy for selling books on forgiveness?

"B"'s obscene letter to Ramon was posted. The language used was colorful in the extreme, lobbing insults at various KITfolk.

I wonder if these guys haven't been put up to this by someone else? (I won't mention names).

You speak of examining both sides before spewing, certainly a good idea, but I wonder if you have done the same. You have obviously been given and unhealthy dose of one side of the issues, if you would like to communicate with me, I would be happy to try to fill you in on another point of view. You know, many of us have families and loved ones still on the hof's and it is attitudes like yours (there have been others too) that worry us the most. Think about this, I will be away from my computer for the next week or so but I would be happy to take up correspondence with you after March 9, or so. Take care, "B." Let me know what you are doing, ie. school or work, I'm interested in being your friend if you feel you can do this in an adult and civil fashion. Life is way too short to carry around all that anger, hate and obscenity. Take care, To "B", 3/10/98: My beefs with the Bruderhof are quite general. but in a nutshell they involve the treatment of my family over the years. As you may know, my father was the youngest son of Eberhard Arnold, and I have never fully understood why he and his brother, Hardi, received the royal shaft all their lives. My dad was excluded for the last 10 years or so of his life, and was only reinstated into the brotherhood while on his deathbed. What's with that? If you have ever been to the Woodcrest cemetery, you will see a great big stone for Heini,(some are "more equal" than others), while everyone else has the usual small stones. Heini's brother Hardi's grave is totally overgrown. What's with that? When my mother died a few years ago, we were told we could not attend the funeral. What's with that? It's called manipulation, and the Bruderhof leaders are masters at it. What they cannot stand about KIT is that they cannot control it.

Have you ever heard anything good said about anyone who has left the hof? Have you ever had a question answered honestly about a person who left the hof? It's always some story about "He's not with us anymore," or "We don't know where they are." This was already the case before KIT came into existence; they did not want us talking to each other, because they could not control what we did or said. Then, when KIT started and people started comparing experiences, we realized that things just were not right. Now the only way the leaders can try to control us is by painting us all black inside the hofs while running a bully campaign on the outside. I believe they like to tell people how tough and bad life on the outside is, even hoping that they will fail, and come running back. It puts holes in their story when those out here prove that there is life after the Bruderhof.

Anyway, I left the hof because I wanted to make a life of my own, to be in control of my own destiny. I don't take well to being manipulated now by people that say if I talk to my friends that left the hof I cannot see or talk to my family, or even go to my mother's funeral. Anyway, "B", you wrote that you found little truth in the KIT newsletter. Give me a couple of examples of the most outrageous stories you have read there. I want to understand better where you are coming from. I'm glad you have not turned your back on your parents. By all means keep in touch if you can. They are good people. There are many, if not most, that are very good people there. It must have been difficult for you to leave, and it sounds like you miss your folks. How are things going for you work-wise? How are you living? Do I believe everything that I read in KIT? Of course not, KIT is made up of many diverse people, many of whom I don't even know. Anyone with a little sense learns to pick and choose what seems true and logical.

I don't believe everything I read in The New York Times either. And I certainly don't believe everything that I hear, or read from the Bruderhof, especially what comes to us via certain supposed spokespersons. Their job is to spin and manipulate, cloud issues, not clear them up. They are the ones who, by whatever means available, try to divert us while running a continuous campaign inside the hof, telling our families how terrible we are. When you are told something often enough, you begin to believe it whether it is true or not. This is called 'brainwashing.' I don't want to believe it any more than you do, "B", but I'm afraid it is true. I wish it were possible to go on and remember only the good things about when we were growing up, but it is not that simple. There are many wrongs in the world, and I cannot right them all, but I if cannot even speak out about what I believe to be wrong when it affects my family, what good is it living in this great country of ours, that gives us more freedoms than any other country in the world, most importantly the freedom of speech?

It is for this reason, that I believe that as long as the issues of concern being brought forward in KIT are not being addressed, KIT will continue to print. There are too many people, with too many concerns, to silence their freedom. Do I want to convert you? Convert you to what "B", the truth? That is a freedom that you have a right to also. No, I cannot convert you, and if the Bruderhof is your way, more power to you, I am only trying to understand what prompted you to write that letter to Ramon, because I am sure there are others that feel the same way. I'm glad to hear that you apologized for your language in that letter. Was it Ramon you apologized to? Take care, and be in touch,

You have seen the films where Christoph admitted to the wiretap and said "we just want our piece of the American pie", when asked about the jet. If people like the Foxes and us think these attitudes and activities are against the teachings of Jesus, why do you curse us? Defend them if you think they are right, name calling is not a good defense.

Since you guys have a clue, and the rest of us are clueless, fill us in on what these activities are all about. You and "A" are pretty good at cursing and venting your hatred (where did you learn that?) and claiming to be so in the know, but neither of you have answered any real questions, or discussed any of the issues brought up here. Is it because you really are clueless? Give us a clue, you can answer the same questions we asked "A", then maybe you can tell us how it is that a Christian Community could do these things...

Are you just going to flame this newsgroup with hate mail or are you going to act like adults out in the real world and join in a discussion. Are you going to speak for yourselves or are you mouthpieces for CD and JK and Christoph? Do you think you'll be heroes back at home for telling off Paul and Blair and Ramon?

You know, the back-and-forth between Reuben and "C" didn't seem to be going anywhere. ("B" has become much more civil and maybe has a more open mind.) I wonder if it is even worth continuing, because really no questions are answered and they don't seem to want to hear anything remotely criticizing of the Bruderhof. I was always told that constructive criticism was good for the soul ( I learned that from Margaret Meier and Spring Valley ) but their attitude now seems to be "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't talk" which seems to me to be a bit childish and silly. If you were only allowed to say good things about people, can you imagine how much worse off we would be? Just a thought.

We heard a lot of criticism for the idea of trying to "do what's right" before we left the Bruderhof. The idea seems to be in the Bruderhof to be in unity and to do "something" and to do it "from the heart". Thus the phrase: "It doesn't matter if what we do is right or wrong, as long as we do it together." That's a rather poor and rather unChristian reason for doing something, nicht? In fact what it really says is that they are not concerned with trying to "do what's right", but really about doing what's "in their best interest".

"A", we have heard far more filth from Bruderhofers (and kids from the Bruderhof) than from the Bruderhof's critics. Some posted to us even in response to our web page (http:\\www.ime.net\ ~wchesley). You may have been told that KIT has "spewed filth," but believe us, a lot of things you have been told about KIT and people who write for it are not always true. We have never heard Blair "spew filth".

This is true, and this does not upset me. If I repent I would be welcomed back to the Bruderhof. But what "sins" must I repent of? Telling the world the truth about the Bruderhof? Pointing out that Christoph lied? Telling about this "pacifist" community's lawsuits? Loving my enemies? I cannot stand on the street side and admire the Emperor's new clothes. I cannot repent of telling the truth. I cannot turn away from following Jesus.

In many ways, the Bruderhof communities remind me of the Venus fly-trap plant that offers an irresistible 'bait' to the unwary insect before it snaps shut around them. I am not sure the Bruderhof members realize how much they create this very seductive first impression. Once the guest is drawn into 'giving their all' to help create a 'heaven on earth,' it's very hard to withdraw -- despite Christoph's assertion that "We are the hardest church to join." The life sort of creeps up on you, bit by bit, and you find yourself wanting to be like the others, to think like the others, to speak the same way and be a part of whatever that elusive, mysterious 'something' is that seems to permeate the people there. It's very seductive, the aroma of mystery around those secretive brotherhood meetings, those closed-door sessions in the Servants' offices. We all want to be "in," don't we?

When I left the Bruderhof after approximately two years, I experienced serious withdrawal symptoms. First there was the singing. I just had to sing to feel good, to get that 'rush' in my chest, that nice tingle going. So I signed up for a choral singing group that met a few times a week. That helped a lot.

Then there was the incredible guilt, and the distinct feeling of impending doom because I had 'gone against the Church,' that I had "given myself to another power." This took a lot of time to overcome, a lot of study and reading. In 1960 there were no exit counselors, and most of the people I tried to talk about this had no clue what I was talking about! What helped me the most was first reading the existentialist Christian philosopher Nicolai Berdyayev (sp?), who helped me to understand that I was an individual who could approach God for a personal relationship, and that the creative act, the writing of a musical composition, was also a kind of prayer and acceptable to God. From Berdyayev's books I moved on to Jung's writings, which also were very helpful.

Another very seductive aspect of the Bruderhof was that "everything was taken care of." I had no financial worries, no checkbook to balance, no bills to pay, no clothes to buy. Some summer nights I dragged my mattress out onto the roof of the Carriage House (I was sleeping upstairs to answer late night phone calls) and just lay there, looking up at the stars, experiencing total peace and harmony with God's creation. Not a worry in the world! Just back to babyhood!

Of course there are other high-control groups that offer this also. This is a major lure of most cults, the feeling of "meaning" they impart, and of security. I suppose that serving in the military might be one, and of course monastic groups, and prisons. I think convicts get hooked on the security that prison offers, and that's why recidivism is so high.

A friend of mine once said, "There's no feeling greater than feeling you are part of a cosmic myth-in-the-making, one of the Chosen Few." Certainly the call to become one of the Inner Circle around The Annointed One beats the boring anonymity many people face in their daily lives! Also, we humans are designed to be tribal creatures, something that modern living in our nuclear families or 'monads' tends to ignore, although a lot of 'community' really does exist within the fabric of modern life, if you look for it.

Freedom can be terrifying. Freedom takes work. It takes a daily commitment to keep oneself, one's home, one's family, block, neighborhood, city, whatever as a viable medium for democracy to grow and flourish.

Bottom line for me: Democracy, even our poor, messed-up U.S. version of it, offers the closest example of what God wants for us here on the planet. Not a kingdom, not a dictatorship, not socialism, not an oligarchy, but a society of equals ruled by mutual respect, if not that almost unattainable goal of Love. For me, Love is not the counterfeit, judging, measuring 'sharp and cutting' version that is practiced on the Bruderhof. It does not involve ratting on your neighbor, hiding listening devices in living quarters, or breaking down a young person's will by keeping them in isolation.

C'mon, let's get real! A close look at the Bruderhof today reveals an authoritarian mini-society that demands total obedience to the leadership as an absolutely necessity to remain a member in good standing. It enforces this by keeping the members equity-less. If I was the father of eight kids, twenty years in the brotherhood, I would be terrified of disagreeing with the Elder and being asked to leave the community with my family, forced to go on public assistance, with no health insurance, in a world I either had no knowledge of or had left long ago. That terror is the glue that holds the Bruderhof together, in my humble opinion. That terror leads to Bruderhof statements such as:

"It doesn't matter whether we are right or wrong, as long as we do it together, as long as we remain in unity!"

That statement is a formula for failure because, as Mike LeBlanc stated earlier, there's no feedback loop to correct for wrong direction, nothing to say, "Yoo hoo! Wake up, little Suzy! You're going the wrong way!" Yours for an equitable, positive and loving solution,

Instead, I was invited to come and experience the life, with an open heart, as an earnest seeker -- a form of religious quest. Since that was not my purpose, I declined, and I have never been able to work out a research contract with the commune.

John Hostetler asked me at this time, "Why do they refuse trained observers -- social scientists, journalists, lawyers?" "What do they have to hide or to fear?" Mennonites, Church of the Brethren, Friends, and other Anabaptist or small Christian groups are openly self-critical. Witness the conference sponsored by the Young Center at Elizabethtown College in 1992, by the Church of the Brethren and Mennonites on the use and abuse of power in Anabaptist groups. They invited Ramon and me to present a paper. So, John Hostetler's questions about the Bruderhof still haunt me. Peace,

I left after completing high school, was sent to nursing school, could not visit too often, but continued to visit every possible weekend. I had not expressed interest in becoming a member, I was much too shy to speak up. I had my share of difficulties growing up on the Bruderhof. For years after leaving I would skirt around the issue of my background as I felt unfit to discuss the bruderhof life. When I did talk about the Bruderhof, it was with great respect and joy. How could I say anything negative to outsiders? (I was afraid anything I said would get back to the brotherhood). Anything negative that had occurred in my eyes was due to my error or failure. The Bruderhof was a good place, a God-sanctioned place, so how could they do anything wrong? How could they be anything but a wonderful example of the way mankind should live?

I would have written much the same as the young men are doing here. Yes, they do believe they are thinking for themselves, but sad to say they do not have all the information necessary to speak clearly. This is why I think they find it difficult to be specific. None have said they were brotherhood members, and therefore have not been present in those meetings. I feel they also need to defend their families and their home.

After graduating from nursing school (which I paid for), my visits became less frequent due to many factors. I had contact with my siblings on the outside, but it was "understood" that contact with other former bruderhofers was not good. (When families or individuals left, it was usually quickly and quietly, because they had done something bad or were not fit to live in this utopia.) Even among my siblings we did not talk about the negative aspects of our life in the community. For 20 years I did not have contact with ex-bruderhofers.

In 1990 I received several issues of the KIT (Keep In Touch) newsletter from one of my cousins. The first chance I had to read these was on a family trip to Nashville, TN. I started reading when we had settled into the motel and read late into the night. I was overwhelmed with sadness when I read the letters from people I had known. As a child I had sensed some of the unfair treatment reflected in these letters. My husband woke up when he heard me crying. We talked, and I was able to express some of my anger.

This was the start of a wonderful renewal of contact. What a joy to find old classmates and friends and to find they were wonderful people. I had the chance to meet a former servant and his wife. I had been very much intimidated by them as a child, so I was very happy to get to know them as friends. At KIT conferences the understanding is instant, the sharing sometimes painful, but healing.

The Bruderhof has told their members that KIT people are out to destroy their life, take their kids, and do the work of the devil. Far from it. We are a world-wide self-help group with a newsletter in which we can share our thoughts with others. Many of us have carried our childhood-taught values into our adult lives. We care about our fellow humans and especially for those who have shared our community experience. For this reason, several of us set up the toll free line so that those who were in need could call for unconditional help and guidance. This is the toll free number the Bruderhof harassed and sued us for. Young folk leaving now are apprehensive of any contact with former bruderhof folk, because of the "KIT spirit". I would very much like to know what having the "KIT spirit" means. Maybe Joe K could define this term for us?

I treasure my KIT friends and contact. It was long overdue and will not be shut off or shut up now. The only way to keep us quiet is for the bruderhof to hear us with their hearts and be open to what we are saying. My greatest wish is that all brotherhood members could hear us. I believe that so far only a few on the hof have access to any of our resources. The general membership does not have the chance to hear both sides and form independent opinions. (I have met many bruderhof raised people who have expressed how difficult it was to learn independent thinking and decision making). All the Best,

Y'all were hoping some of these kids would show up. Well, here they are! don't get too picky and pompous about how they present themselves, actually they are not that far out of bounds from the average kid today. Ask your teenagers, or somebody else's teenagers.

Y'all may find out that if you ignore the offensive language it will probably subside to a tolerable level. Meanwhile, another mission has been accomplished. There are at least three "new" outsiders who have been lurking and finally surfaced. Whether or not these kids were "sent" by the Bruderhof is not all that important. They should be welcome in any light. You might find it profitable to approach one issue at a time with them and follow it to either some conclusion or an impasse. I think there is one main imperative. Don't run them off!

1. We would not retaliate in kind.

2. We would remain calm and listen, and even encourage young people to really get it all off their chests. (This was obviously within safety limits of us not being physically threatened).

We respected their attempts to make their space safe by agreeing not to cross a particular boundary (in this case not going in to the recreation ground they met in) and just steadfastly were there for them. After hanging around within view for some time, and always responding as positively as possible, curiosity eventually got the better of them. Some wanted to know why we were there (we had been careful to have an answer to this that was positive, short, and left them knowing that we would try to be allies.)

What worked best was to encourage them to get all the negativity and lack of trust for the adult world off their chests. Just listen, that's easier said than done, especially as they were deliberately bombing us with a lot of stuff that was just there to goad us to start with. But this was a very important stage in which they were working out just how safe we were.

I also later noticed with hindsight that for some of the young people, the hurt and anger was very real because later when we got to hear some of their stories; their sense of betrayal and fear was truly justified. We were the first adults that would stop and truly listen to their rage and pain.

Listening did several very positive things; it gave us a few clues as to what were the issues for the young people, what misinformation they had about their rights etc., but also gave them a chance to notice that we were not going to get cross with them or judge them (or were spies for the police or welfare).

We tried to always respect them, believe them (even if we knew that they had wrong information, we could still see that it was their truth at this moment in time. The challenge then is to slowly give them the info, and tools to start making better judgements about their world.) Work at their pace. Try not to superimpose our agendas without negotiation.

Well, I guess there was a whole lot more, but what I'm trying to say is that for whatever reasons, it takes a lot of courage for a young person to challenge the adult world. If their challenge seems inappropriate, it usually only highlights the degree of distress and/or misinformation and lack of skills to deal with the task in hand. I would always work from this premise until proven otherwise. (After all, look at the role model they have had! How else could they challenge us? What other means are available to them???)

If we can respond positively to these young people, I can guarantee that it will be the first time that they will have been treated so well. That alone can work great healing magic. Surely we are whole enough and strong enough to go along the lines of: Thanks for communicating with us. Can't agree with all that you say, but then we do live very different lives. Is there anything else you would like to tell us, think that its important for us to know? Not going to get mad with you, just want to understand where you are coming from. Life must seem very tough -- how are you doing? How would you like it to be (the situation, life..) What is important to you ....to be heard, to have your say ?

Having listened, then and only then are we in a position to move forward and if there is one thing I have learned, it's not always in the direction we assumed made sense. Again sometimes we just have to trust and go the way the young people feel is right, it's their journey too and more often than not, they come up with some very elegant problem solving. It just might take a while, but after all we have all the time in the world.... desperate, ill-considered, knee-jerk reactions is more someone else's style. Love,

"It seems to me that this question reveals a singular and profound insecurity that appears to afflict many of those who have gravitated to the KIT network.

"The answer to the question, of course, is no.... However, it appears that there is a small group of people... who are continually preoccupied with this question. How do we explain this preoccupation? To those people who are secure in their chosen way of life -- their calling -- this question never occurs. It only seems to be a problem to those who have never reconciled with the choices they made in life, those who are unhappy with decisions made, those who are insecure.

"This insecurity is expressed in many different ways. But those who have the patience (and the stomach) to read through the postings in this newsgroup I believe, will readily detect this common thread."...

This pattern of distortion, with brief glimpses of the underlying focused picture, made me think of the situation that we children and former members of the Bruderhof are facing. Just as the hope begins to grow that some degree of clarity might come to this confusing situation, it becomes distorted again.

Lawsuits brought by the Bruderhof against its own children are dropped. Hope of movement toward reconciliation is raised when the Elder of the Bruderhof writes a Christmas letter indicating a change of heart. These hopes are dashed as communication with the Bruderhof is blocked, more people are cut off from their parents, questions about specific concerns and abuses go unanswered. Open, unrestricted communication between loved ones inside and outside the Bruderhof is not forthcoming.

Words such as "forgiveness" and "reconciliation" become so distorted that they cease to have any deep meaning. The Elder writes a letter to one of the targets of the suits asking for "forgiveness" without being specific. When the recipient of the letter asks the Elder for clarification, outlining specific abuses and hurts, a reply comes from a "corporate officer" who states "you will not be receiving a letter" from the Elder. Numerous other children of the Bruderhof raise issues and concerns about hurtful, immoral and sometimes possibly illegal behavior on the part of members of the Bruderhof leadership. These questions are ignored or sidestepped. Bruderhof representatives play word games rather than enter into a genuine, honest discussion.

Meanwhile, the Elder, the author of books on forgiveness, death and dying, etc., goes on a "Forgiveness Pilgrimage," speaking about forgiveness to congregations of people he does not know. Meanwhile he ignores his role in, and responsibility for, the hurt caused to many children and former members by actions and policies of the Bruderhof -- actions and policies for which he must take a large responsibility. Distortion.

If one cannot find forgiveness and reconciliation with people one knows and has hurt, where does one gain the moral authority to speak to others about forgiveness and reconciliation? Distortion.

A group of young men, who apparently recently left the Bruderhof to "find themselves," write superficial, uninformed, juvenile postings, laced with profanity and personal insults. These are written in "support" of the Bruderhof. Instead of being appalled at what the Bruderhof is producing the Elder writes that the postings are "tremendous." Distortion.

When asked if allegations of unchristian, immoral and illegal deeds, done by members of the Bruderhof against Bruderhof "enemies" are true, a member in "authority" states that "the important issue is not what is true or not true, it's much deeper than that. We are dealing with unfaithful members." Distortion. The end does not justify the means. An organization that calls itself Christian cannot use unchristian means against its "enemies." Jesus did not say "sue your enemies." He did not tell his disciples to use illegal and immoral means against those who opposed them.

The whole issue of "enemies" in this situation is distorted. Who has been the aggressor? Who has tried to destroy people? One does not sue a private citizen for $15 million without trying to destroy that person.

The efforts to reach a genuine, truthful, Christian solution have come from the "enemy," not from the Bruderhof leadership.

When members of the Bruderhof, especially the Leadership, speak of "hatred", "out to destroy", "KIT spirit" (i.e. the spirit of evil), "unforgiveness" etc., they are projecting their own feelings. When an "anonymous"(spineless?) Bruderhof member wrote of "insecurity" on the part of KITfolk [see following item], it was projection.

Where will the clarity come from in this distorted situation? So far the Bruderhof leadership has not seemed to listen or respond to the many eloquent postings: e-mail and letters by Wayne Chesley, Mel Fros, Ramon Sender, Mike LeBlanc, Paul Fox, the Purcells and others. All these individuals have tried painstakingly to show how the deeds and actions of the Bruderhof do not square with the example of Life that Christ gave us. They don't even square with the Bruderhof's own books and teachings.

Merrill Mow once said that one of the reasons he left the Brethren church was because the deeds did not fit the words. "The words in the sermons and teachings are beautiful," he said. The church, however, did not live by them.

The answer to how clarity might be brought to the distortion may lie in something the Elder wrote in a letter last November. I had asked about a comment that a member of the Bruderhof had made. The member had said "I am Christoph's (the Elder) hitman." I asked the Elder if he was creating a climate where members would feel that it was acceptable for a Christian to be a hitman.

The Elder wrote: "By saying I have a "hitman," you are calling me....a coward".

First of all, I did not make the comment. A member of the Bruderhof made it. Second, the issue of cowardice and courage is quite central to this distortion, in my opinion. Much of the activity on the part of the Elder and his representatives has been quite cowardly. Cutting people off from the Bruderhof when they raise questions or concerns about abuse of power or the direction of the leadership, is cowardly. Cutting off people's e-mail access rather than answering specific questions or well-founded allegations is cowardly. Hiding behind a book rather than "putting your money where your mouth is," is cowardly. Having a "front man" answer a letter written in order to seek clarity on a request for "forgiveness," rather than answering for one's self, is cowardice. Asking people to keep discussions "private" when the issues are quite global, lacks courage.

Lying to the membership, stirring people's emotions against "enemies who are out to destroy us," twisting facts, keeping secrets and carrying out covert activities are all cowardly. They are also against what the Bruderhof claims to represent. I have heard the Elder say that sin likes to work in the dark and must be exposed. He, and other ministers can be, and have been , ruthless when it comes to exposing other people's sins. To practice a double standard is cowardly.

If clarity is to come to the present distorted and painful situation, it will take courage on many people's part. It will take courage to speak the truth. It will take courage on the part of the Elder and others in leadership positions to look at the facts, admit that things have gone far off course, acknowledge the pain that has been caused to so many, both inside and outside the Bruderhof. It will take courage to admit that power has been abused, that power has corrupted. More than once, while growing up in the Bruderhof, I heard Brotherhood members say something along the lines, "The Arnolds are given a special gift. The admiration and position they hold does not go to their heads."

No human, not Christoph Arnold, not Heini, not Eberhard, not me, no one is immune from the corruption that power can bring. To think that one is above corruption is corruption in itself.

The courageous thing would be for the Bruderhof leadership, including the Elder, to meet face-to-face with "KITfolk," in a spirit of humility on both sides, to begin the process of healing. If the leading of God is truly and humbly sought, and the example of Christ's life is followed, something worthwhile could be achieved.

I understand that the Bruderhof has gotten itself into a bind: they have turned to earthly courts for "help." They have sued and fear they will be sued in return. "They who live by the suit may perish by the suit."

What the Bruderhof would find I think, however, is that KITfolk are an honest, honorable, forgiving lot -- if they are treated honestly, justly and fairly.

They are also seasoned to the distortion they have experienced, however, and will not be easily fooled.

The cowardly thing would be to continue to play games, try to "divide and conquer," dance around the issues, lie, bear false witness and continue to fan the flames of hatred against "KIT."

Life is too short and precious to waste more time. Let's work together.

[This ends the alt.support.bruderhof selections]

by Wendy (Alexander) Dorsey

These thoughts were written in my journal on retreat recently. Although I agree, Ramon, that forgiveness can be a "spontaneous feeling" response to another's true contrition, I believe it's bigger than that. As another respondent said, "forgiveness is a decision," a stance taken regardless of the other's contrition or lack of it. It comes from a belief that no one, not I or the other, knows all... and from the human imperative to let go of that which rancors and rusts in the soul and causes all kinds of trouble in body, mind and emotion.

I don't believe in the old advice to "forgive and forget" -- which means to me, "turn a blind eye toward evil." Rather, forgiveness is a decision to not let the evil corrode my relationship with God or humankind. The specific other (who has done the wrong) must also reach out if there is to be a relationship between me and the other, but my forgiveness does not need to depend on this action by the other. Only actual reconciliation between the one wronged and the perpetuator is dependent upon both parties re