Jane Clement holding Faith, Haddonfield, NJ - 1952

Sam Arnold, 3/30/00: The passing of Jane Clement has brought back some memories. Jane seemed different from most women on the Bruderhof. She seemed more herself, and exhibited clarity and self-assurance. Of course she was a talented writer, but I was surprised how this was tolerated. Her stories and poetry did not seem have the typical Bruderhof flavor and style, and that was most refreshing.

When my parents were in the U.S. in 1953, they looked after the Clement children for a while, who numbered 5 at the time, while Bob and Jane were visiting Primavera. Later in 1968, I was in their family in Woodcrest for about three months while I was finishing up high school. My parents had been shuffled off to Deer Spring, and I was not about to change schools again. Bob and Jane very kindly invited me to stay with their family.

Being part of the Clement household was a pleasant and interesting experience. Mark and I were the same age, so that was a natural fit. Topics of conversation were varied and worldly, and Jane was usually leading them. The radio was turned on quite a bit to keep up with the news, for music, and for baseball games. The Clements, and especially Mark, liked to listen to the Pirates games on KDKA Pittsburgh at night. After a while I too followed the games. I enjoyed my time in Joel's family. Jonathan had already left by then.

My condolences to Joel and his family, as well as to Jonathan and his family. Best wishes,

Nadine (Moonje) Pleil, 3/15/00: I thought that you might like my impressions of the memorial meeting that we went to for Bob Peck. Bill and Barbara Cushman (Barbara is Hanna's cousin) went to State College for a memorial meeting for Bob Peck. We went to the Friend's Meeting House where a lot of Bob's friends were gathered. What struck us was the simplicity of this service. No big and pious words. Many spoke about Bob and what his life and friendship had meant to them. They spoke about Bob the man, the father, teacher and most of all, a friend, which he was to many people. Bob has very obviously left a lasting impression with many of us and he will not be forgotten.

After the service we went to the Social Room where we were able to look at many pictures of Bob, his parents, Bob as a boy, Bob as a young adult and then pictures of Bob and Hanna and their four daughters. It was a celebration of Bob's life and of a dear friend. In the Social Room there was a notebook in which anybody could write about Bob for the family. I thought that was a very nice idea and August and I also wrote something for Hanna and her daughters. The youngest daughter Peggy died when she was about 10 years old. She had had a heart operation and died at home a few days after coming home. Greetings to all,

Hans Zimmermann, 3/16/00: It is with great sadness that I read about the passing away of so many of our old friends and acquaintances, people to whom we were so close during our time in Primavera, the bond so aptly described in Bob Peck's article about our life in Paraguay. My sincerest condolences to all their families. I will miss Leonard Pavitt as we had occasional exchanges of letters discussing our experiences from our time in Loma Hoby and Primavera.

I am rather troubled and disturbed by the willingness of some people to question and second-guess the motives of several young men who had joined the community and in the process left wives and kids behind to follow their convictions, especially since they are not here anymore to defend themselves. It is an unfortunate fact that many people and mind you, well-educated persons can fall for the utopia of religious groups, get so wrapped up that they do things which seem irrational and downright irresponsible. Having known people like Stanley, Harry Fossard and Eric Phillips (for whom I had great respect and considered him my role model), I feel a certain hurt when comments as we have read in the last two KIT letters degrade their commitment to the communal life. True, we may never know all the details and what compelled them to make their decisions, but let's not be so critical with the benefit of hindsight. Whatever made them stick it out, I think it must have been very difficult for them and the dear ones they left behind. Let's not vilify them.

What Bob Peck described in his article explains why we ex-Bruderhofers from that era are able to appreciate and respect each other in spite of our now so divergent views and life styles. I hope we can keep it that way. Belated happy and healthy New Year to all of you,

Renatus Klüver from a letter to Roy Dorrell, 4/3/00: Here it is rather cold at the moment There is a strong wind and it is raining. My wind-chimes, which I have hanging in my vine-arbour, are making nice bell-like sounds, which I enjoy hearing. The plum tree is in full bloom, minus the buds that two wood pigeons plucked off and ate, so I won't have that much fruit this year. But there is hope for a good crop, provided it won't freeze before the fruit sets. The daffodils are all open and the bright yellow lightens up the otherwise bleak garden. When I bend down and smell these exquisite flowers, I can't get enough of the scent they are willing to share with me, but my back usually orders a retreat. Last summer I planted white flowering clematis, now in full bloom. They are scented the same as orange blossoms and this is the reason for my buying this particular variety. Every time I go into the garden, I go to the clematis and smell them. It is a real joy and brings back memories of the citrus trees that we had in Primavera.

It is so warm (spring is three weeks early) that my tulips are already showing their buds, and if the weather stays so mild they might be in flower very soon. At this time of year I very much enjoy nature, for bringing forth new life. Even the apple trees in my garden are decking themselves with a soft green of first leaves, which are hiding, as yet, the blossoms that will deck the trees in a few weeks. The neighbours' forsythias are in full bloom, the yellow-petalled flowers lining the otherwise bare branches, yet devoid of leaves. This year, because of the mild winter, they are the best I can remember and are a joy to look at.

I went to Leonard's cremation two weeks ago, in Yeovil. It was a short service, non-religious, in the assembly hall of the crematorium. An old friend of Leonard's gave an address. Joanie and her two daughters spoke, and Jo, the younger one, quite beautifully sang a song about nature, modernistic, with sharps and halftones, un-rhythmically, but heartfelt. She, of course, had lived with Leonard for some time after her daughter was born. Leonard adored his little great-grandchild. Stephen Marchant spoke briefly about the friendship that developed between himself and Leonard. This came about via the contact which Leonard and Stephen's father maintained after their return to England. Leonard and Will had of course been in the USA for Werbung and lived in Isla Margarita for most of the time spent in Primavera, Paraguay.

From the crematorium in Yeovil, Somerset, we went to Crewkerne where we met up in a little pub and had a buffet -type lunch where people were free to chat informally and share memories of Leonard. It was very nice as we had this little family-run pub to ourselves, since we were there outside opening hours. Stephen Marchant, Lilian, and Pablo Marchant with his wife, were there. Jörg and Christine who had come down from the Cotswolds, had been brought by Gottfried (John) Holland. For the elderly Holland parents it was too far, nearly five hours round-trip, so they did not attend. Joy Johnson MacDonald and Susan Johnson Suleski were also present. Then, to the surprise of a number of others, Philip Britts junior and wife came. To Leonard's regret, there had been very little contact for some time. It was the first time that I saw him since he was eight years old in Woodcrest at the time of Forest River being given up. From the pub we then went to Leonard's house. Here we spent some time together and, for some the first time, had a look around.

I had been several times to see Leonard and visit with him over a weekend, when he would show me his beautiful Somerset. On one occasion we went down to the rugged coast, heath and heatherland that borders this wild countryside. I remember well, two years ago, going down to visit with him in April. The bluebells were at their best. We drove down a little winding road, when, all of a sudden, a vista opened and gave one a view on a whole meadow, looking like a blue wave of water cascading down its side. Breathtaking! I stopped the car and we both got out. To the right was this cascade of bluebells and opposite, the hill dropped sharply into a very deep valley, where a stream meandered lazily, making its way down to the sea only a few miles away near Lyme Regis, where we were heading.

We then drove through a centuries-old gully that had been formed by countless wagons driving over the crest of this hill. It is not wide enough to let two vehicles through at the same time, now asphalted, and grown over by trees and bushes forming a canopy. It looked like a tunnel and in the distance, when having driven to the apex of this hill, one could see the 'light of the day at the other end of this 'tunnel.' One little lay-by has been carved out of the side of the hill and oncoming traffic has to slip into this space to let the other vehicle pass. Most romantic.

Down in Lyme Regis we had a lovely afternoon, looking at the harbour, now used for pleasure yachts and smaller fishing boats. Went up a very steep hill, the 'main street' where one shop is joined to the next, selling cheap trinkets misnamed 'souvenirs.' In one shop we saw for sale locally found fossils in soft clay, which had been mounted on wood to keep them from disintegrating. Quite clearly one can see the total imprint of the shape of a fish with scales, fins and head, as well as other creatures. Some of them had the legend attached to them that they are two or three million years old. It proved to be the most interesting shop in the street. At the water's front, we found a pub that had some picnic tables outside on the patio and there had a beer and pub meal. The sun was shining warmly, even though a cool breeze was blowing from the waterfront and up the hill past us.

While having our meal, we discussed and remembered parts of our common past and the present political climate permeating the British and world stage. I managed to capture some pictures of the dramatic coastline with Leonard in the foreground, leaning against an iron fence. Leonard liked to philosophize, which made for stimulating and interesting conversations, which I always enjoyed very much. With his dry humour he would often hit the nail on the head, when describing an idea or other. I also very much appreciated his often biting but usually mellow irony when commenting on life's foibles and idiosyncrasies.

(Back to Leonard's funeral) People started to drift away, leaving only one or two outside the immediate family. By now it was already 6:00 PM and I still had to drive to Bournmouth, to spend the night at my brother Hartmuth and Jean's house. I arrived there at about 8:30, had something to eat and then joined Jean and Hartmuth in a game of Boggles. Next morning I tried to phone Nellie Dorrell, but found that she is ex-directory. This ex-directory number I have on my computer at home, but forgot to add it to my handwritten address book. So I drove down to Torquay, hoping that she would be at home.

I left Moordown, a suburb of Bournmouth, at ten in the morning. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. I made good headway on the dual carriageways, but when the A road turned into two-way single lane traffic, one had to adjust one's speed to the slowest vehicles, the massive trucks that also use these trunk roads. The countryside is quite hilly here and when riding along a ridge, one gets the most beautiful views. Now and again there was a lay-by, into which one could pull off the road to enjoy a view across a valley, taking in the richness in diversity of land-use. Homesteads and small villages dot the countryside, which made a picture that not even the most talented artist could have reproduced. The view was unobstructed, since trees and bushes were still bare of foliage, their branches reaching into the sky showing off their diversity of shape and form. I really enjoyed this part of the two-and-a-half-hour trip, making me realise how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful country, politically and economically stable and having the time and resources to go on a trip like this one.

The visit with Nellie was great. I had ten films of prints with me, all taken in Paraguay and southwestern Brazil. She looked at all of them, while I told her the background of each. I spent nearly four hours with her. Then the garage phoned that the vehicle would be ready and that they would collect me in half-an-hour. Nellie lives in a 'secure' accommodation, which has a resident warder to help in case of an emergency. In this residential home there are about forty senior citizens, each one lording it over a self-contained flat, but there is little contact between them. Nellie. Some others tried to organise a coffee morning and other activities, but this found virtually no response amongst the other residents, so they gave up and only a few of them now regularly meet. She has a self-contained flat where she can cook and entertain, if she so desires.

One of her daughters comes once a week to help her with the shopping. A Sainsbury's supermarket is just across the road, but she has trouble carrying her shopping and the road is now a main road into the centre of town, where before it merely was an access road to residents and for delivery trucks for Sainsbury. Since visiting with Nellie I had a little letter from her. In it she tells me that she has had a slight stroke and is in Torquay hospital at the moment, but that she has nearly fully recovered. She writes that "the powers that be won't let me go home until they are sure that I'll be able to look after myself. So I will probably be here for a little while." She also says that the left side is slightly affected by the stroke, as well as her speech, but that she is on the way to full recovery. This happened in the early hours of Monday of March the 13th her eighty-fifth birthday.

I left at about six-thirty and made my way back to Bournemouth, two-and-a-half hours drive away. There I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law until Monday morning and then returned to my own home. From Ian Cocksedge I had an invite to attend a memorial service for his father Edmund, whose ashes had been flown back to England from Australian (where he had lived for the last twenty years), to be scattered at the same place as those of his wife Amy, twenty years earlier. He would have been 85 this year.

The trip down to Gloucester took about two-and-a-half hours. Finding Ian's house was not very easy, but in the end I did. I had my Paraguay photos with me and we got all engrossed, not noticing the advancing time, which made us twenty minutes late for the memorial meeting but, seemingly, had not missed very much. The memorial service took place in Gloucester Friends Meeting House on Friday the 17th of March at 2 PM. It was organised by the youngest of the Cocksedge boys living in England, namely Timothy, a very nice remembrance meeting where anyone could feel free to share memories or just light a candle. There must have been about forty-five people present. After the meeting we had a buffet lunch together.

I managed to speak to all the Cocksedge children, most of whom I had not seen for twenty years. They keep their distance with all ex-members and keep very much to themselves. I get the impression that they are embarrassed about their past. But then everyone to his or her own device.

The immediate family, myself and Stephen Marchant had to get home. The rest left for the crematorium where Amy's ashes had been scattered and where a memorial plaque had been placed for her. Now they will have a new plaque made with the names of both their parents on it. An official of the crematorium had to perform the last ritual of spreading the ashes. It was the wish of the Cocksedges that he make a ring, a circle, with the ashes to symbolise the completion of Edmund's life and the unity and harmony for which he had always striven to give his life meaning and sense. There still was a space for a 'tree-rose' to be planted, so it was decided to get a white 'peace-rose' in memory of Edmund and Amy and request the permission of the authorities to plant it. Edmund has written a small book, an autobiography, called Vagabond For Peace, now out of print. It is very well-written, but leaves the Bruderhof nearly on the sidelines and doesn't go into detail of his experiences as a member. It was published in Australia [the family is looking into publishing another edition - ed].

Ian was at the meeting, and Phlegon now called John then Raymond and Jimmy, Tim and Priscilla with her twin daughters and grandchildren. Hugh, Rhoda and Jenny of course live in Australia. From Ian I heard that Hugh has cancer of the spine and frequently suffers a lot of pain. He has undergone several chemotherapies and has to swallow a lot of medication to keep the cancer under control. So it seems that in our age-group, individuals are blessing the earthly life. So many have died this year already not a very promising year 2000 beginning.

This last weekend I visited with Gerty and Leslie Holland and Jörg and Christine Mathis. On Friday I drove to Purton, about eighty miles from my house, and stayed the afternoon and night with the Hollands. Here I always find incredible warmth and homeliness, being taken in as part of the family. Some group of the village of Purton decided to publish a millennium book based on residents of Purton, which is quite near the old Cotswold Bruderhof where I was born. For each day of the year, one individual will write an essay on 'A day in my life' for that calendar date and day of the year. This will then be compiled into a book, so there will be 365 narratives.

For each of the contributors, Leslie agreed to draw a sketch of their face. He is taking too much time over this, Gerty thinks, because he is drawing a pencilled portrait instead of doing a line-drawing. The ones he showed me are very good, but he has so far, only managed to do twenty and he needs around thirty sketches for each month. He may have undertaken too great a task. After all, he will be celebrating his ninety-third birthday in a week or two. But projects like this keep him busy and both mentally and physically mobile. Recently he finished 'The Lord's Supper' painting for the village parish church, six feet by four, which now hangs over the altar. In his style, and well done.

Saturday, Gerty had a phone call from Irmi Keiderling asking if she and her husband could come for Sunday lunch to visit with them. Gerty needed a few things, so I made my way to South Cerny, about ten miles from the Hollands. Meanwhile Christine had called Gerty to say that she and the girls were not feeling well and wanted to know if I still wished to visit with them. I decided to go, if it were not too strenuous for them. Christine was still in bed, but Giovanna, 15 years old, and Marcella, 12 years old, were feeling better. I had bought some groceries before coming down and decided that I would cook a meal for them and myself. This I did. We had chicken sake with cooked rice, stir-fried carrots and cauliflower, with a lovely gravy made from fried diced onions and garlic, enriched by clear bouillon granules. Took me two hours to cook and get ready, but found hungry appreciative mouths, devouring all. Even Christine, who did not feel like eating, managed two pieces of chicken and a portion of rice with vegies. So, that effort went down well!

The afternoon was spent chatting together and I was roped in to play 'Wolf and Schafe' with Marcella and her twin brother Jonathan. Then I had to play chess with each of them until they tired. Various programmes on TV followed and when the children were tucked safely into bed Jörg, Christine and myself had time to chin-wag. At eleven also we made for our beds.

Sunday morning we all had a lie-in, much relished by the children, since during the week they get up at seven when going to school. I was upright at about nine, had a shower and some breakfast. In due course, all the others appeared except for Giovanna, who found bed too good to leave and did not come down before eleven. Then the table had to be cleared for her to do a homework project. This was for DT (Design Technology), my main teaching subject. So I was able to glance through what she had done and make some suggestions and show her some sketching techniques. She is designing, and has to make a model of a rabbit hutch, giving detail of materials, shape and form, cost, size and availability of materials, time needed to make the artifact and an analysis with specification and then an evaluation. She is doing very good work and I encouraged her to go into more detail, giving her some ideas. Greetings to you, Your friend,

The Hartford Courant, 3/11/00:

Depression Is His Topic, But Sociology Professor Julius Rubin Has Reason To Smile... His Book About The Bruderhof, The Other Side Of Joy, Is Finally In Print

The Dark Side Of A Pious Brotherhood

by Gerald Renner, Courant Religion Writer

Julius Rubin is joyful these days, a welcome change for a sociologist whose research into religious melancholia led to some depressing consequences. He had to endure a federal lawsuit, threatened litigation against his English publisher and harassing phone calls from people known and unknown. For some mysterious reason, maybe related to his research and maybe not, someone even broke into his tiny, cluttered office on the campus of St. Joseph College in West Hartford. Only the day before he had shipped off his completed manuscript to his publisher.

"It really has been an adventure," said the 51-year-old professor, who hopes it is all over now that his new book is off the press after six years of work. The book published this month by Oxford University Press, is titled The Other Side Of Joy: Religious Melancholy Among The Bruderhof (New York and Oxford. 284 pp., $45).

...Rubin had thought that because the Norfolk group was so close, it would make an ideal place to investigate how some fervent religious believers lapse into despondency, characterized by a sense of abandonment by God. He wrote about that in an earlier book, Religious Melancholy And Protestant Experience In America," published by Oxford in 1993. It was based on l9th-century medical diaries that Rubin found in the archives of the Institute of Living, the Hartford psychiatric center.

He was aware that other sects rooted in a German movement known as Pietism, such as the Hutterites, the Amish and the Mennonites, had cooperated with social scientists who wrote about their way of life. The Deer Spring Bruderhof seemed to Rubin like a ready place to do live research into the phenomenon that the 16th-century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross called the "dark night of the soul."

Bruderhof leaders had other ideas. They objected from the start of Rubin's plan. J. Christoph Arnold, the group's leader, whose headquarters are at the central Bruderhof in the rural northeastern New York community of Rifton, made it clear that social scientists, with their probing secular values, were unwelcome.

"Take a flower in the field. Break it or take it apart, and you can explain all the parts of the flower. But what happens to the flower? The flower's dead." Arnold once explained in an interview with The Courant about why he turned Rubin away.

Bruderhof leaders in Rifton declined a Courant request for comment on the publication of Rubin's new book.

The movement has garnered a growing chorus of critics in recent years, including a group of former Bruderhof members who call themselves Children of the Bruderhof The former members complain they are not allowed to visit their relatives and that anyone who does not conform to the wishes of the leadership is forced out. Rubin and several other academics say the movement has gone in an authoritarian direction, contrary to its founding principles.

"I wanted to study religious melancholia, and instead I got trapped in a world between apostates and true believers," Rubin said. Through interviews with about 100 people and published writings of the Bruderhof itself, Rubin did a historical and psychological analysis of a religious movement seeking to establish a utopia. He drew case studies of people who were so overwhelmed by their sense of guilt, sin and worthlessness that they lapsed into varying degrees of depression. The authoritarian way the Bruderhof was run, brooking no dissent, aggravated the situation, Rubin said.

"Instead of building a heaven on earth, they built a purgatory for many of the believers," he said.

Bruderhof leaders are sensitive to such criticisms. When Rubin spoke critically about the Bruderhof in a 1996 Philadelphia radio broadcast, the Bruderhof sued him. The lawsuit was dismissed.

Similarly, the Bruderhof sued CBS TV when it broadcast a "48 Hours" program that aired critics' complaints. That lawsuit was also dismissed.

In the wake of his Philadelphia broadcast, Rubin said he got some anonymous telephone calls denouncing him for his views on the Bruderhof.

"I got caller ID after that, and they stopped," he said.

He also heard directly from a Bruderhof leader that he could expect to be sued if he went ahead with his book. After that, Rubin worked with more than an editor. A team of lawyers on both sides of the Atlantic vetted his drafts. The situation was complicated because libel standards in the United States differ from those in England. His book was originally supposed to be published In the fall of 1997, but working with Oxford's attorneys delayed it

"I finally finished with the English lawyers in November," Rubin said.

The scholar admits that because he did not have Bruderhof cooperation, he could not do a scientific sampling of how wide the incidence of depression might be among the Bruderhof members. Even so, he is satisfied that he did a scholarly service in a study of a religious commune in transition and of people who foundered in the faith and fell into a funk.

He has already begun working on his next research project.

His subject is the 18th-century Mohegan Indian and Christian preacher Samson Occom, who wrote about his periodic episodes of religious melancholy. Occom raised the money to establish Dartmouth College. Later, disillusioned that the college would not be solely for Indians, Occom tried to establish a utopian Christian community of Native Americans called Brothertown in New York. "I am writing about dead people now because they can't sue," Rubin said with a wry laugh.

Ramón Sender, 4/6/00: Over the past ten years, Judy and I received many marvelous letters from Leonard. Without digging into the boxes in the garage (or attic) for the moment, I came up with two recent ones that I thought deserve a wider readership. I feel privileged to have spent time with this dear man, both during our travels to the U.K. and in our correspondence, and I know that he continues as a vital and loving presence in many of our lives. Since he was such an incomparable writer, perhaps I might suggest compiling his letters into some sort of book? Any takers?

Leonard Pavett, (to Ramón and Judy,) 10/23/99: I hope your new occupation is going well, Ramón, and that your health, Judy, has improved and that you are feeling really well. From this side of the globe I am glad to be able to tell you some good news of us. Firstly, Joanie was able to get her furniture delivered to a cottage that actually had all its upstairs floorboards back in position. Due to the installing of central heating a lot of them had been lifted to put in the pipes and I spent quite a while working upstairs at various jobs hoping to goodness I wouldn't step in the wrong place and put my foot through the ceiling below.

A good friend gave her a carpet that went nicely over the bigger bedroom floor. The little bedroom had still got one and the carpet I had in my 'guest bedroom' has given her about a two-third coverage of the lounge and she plans to paint the part of the concrete floor, that is still visible, a warm colour and that should do until she can afford a larger carpet.

She actually spent her first night there last Sunday after we moved one of my guest beds there (we will move the other one when she has sorted things out and made room) and so she has officially 'moved in' surrounded by lots of boxes that still have to be sorted and having to wash up dishes, etc., in the upstairs handbasin until the kitchen is completely finished. There was great jubilation when she found that her fridge/freezer was still working after spending so many months in storage apparently they don't always travel so well. She is delighted to be there at last.

Another bit of very good news is that she has got a job as one of a team of receptionists at a large modern clinic in Yeovil, so this will be her last week humping food about and filling the shelves at the Lesco store. Her coworkers were very nice people and good to work with, but the work left her pretty tired sometimes. The new job is part time and so will give her the chance to perhaps to do other things, I hope she will get back to glass-engraving again, although you might expect me to say so because I am her dad. She is a very good engraver, was accepted into the Glass Engravers at her first attempt (people have to submit one piece of engraved glass which is judged by a panel). Not only that, but the article in the following Engraver's Journal about the whole London exhibition made special mention of some exhibits and Joanie's was one of them.

Another very happy occasion was when we celebrated Ellie's 2nd birthday last Thursday. We have had some rather remarkable weather over the last week or so. It has been gloriously sunny and dry and if one kept out of the cool wind it was very pleasant. So we went out and had a picnic, not the sort of thing we are used to doing in the middle of October. We went down to a place called Stone Barrow a piece of National Trust land right alongside the sea on a high gorse covered piece of land with big patches of grass kept nicely short by the local rabbits, and glorious views along the coast. We sat in the lea of the car and gloried in the warmth of the sun under a cloudless blue sky and ate our picnic which had been prepared by Jo. Ellie enjoyed it very much and went for a walk afterwards with Jo and Joanie whilst I lazed in a comfy chair and gazed around, taking it all in.

It hasn't all been so wonderful, life never is, and one thing was that when the builder was demolishing the hamstone shed and ancient toilet a few yards in front of Joanie's cottage to give her a place to park the car, we discovered that the water pipe leading into the house was leaking, was part lead and part rusty iron at least 60 or 70 years old and only 6" below ground level! Apart from that it was OK. This pipe also supplied the next door neighbour who, when she heard it was only 6" below ground, said, "No wonder we used to have the darn thing freeze up on us some winters." So Joanie had to have plastic pipe put in at the present required depth of two feet six inches. She also had a separate pipe put in for the neighbour, as Joanie wishes to have a water meter put in later. This all meant that the concrete wasn't dry enough for the furniture to be delivered and she had to put it off a couple of weeks. Anyhow that is all past history now. It is now 'Forward into the Future!'

A couple of Sundays ago, Joanie invited some friends to spend the day at the house and they helped with painting, wallpapering and in the garden digging over long neglected pieces. In the evening we had a meal together, some fortunates sitting on garden chairs and others on the floor. We put the lights out and enjoyed the glow of a lot of candles standing in the three-foot-square gap where the gas fire was and before that the old coal fire. Joanie is hoping that she will eventually be able to put an open fire there again, although she now has central heating, and some sort of surround in keeping with the cottage. She does so enjoy having the glow of a fire in the winter.

I was intrigued by the name 'Lyewater' and, after a bit of searching, found that the word 'Lye' derives from the Old English word 'hleow' meaning a shelter. In Somerset there is a Lye Cross meaning 'the shelter at the cross roads' and a Lye Hill 'the shelter on the hill.' There is a tiny stream running along the valley at the foot of Joanie's garden and on the other side are traces of a dirt road, now grassed over, which on an old map I saw was called 'Watery Lane, so maybe in the old days there was a shelter somewhere along there.

As to the rest of us, Cathy seems to be getting on well in her last year. Jo and Ellie are doing well. Ellie is a very bright little button, learning more and more

words, and pointing out anything that she knows the name of. As for me, well if being busy is good for you I am doing very well, thank-you. Now that my guest bedroom is being turned back into a 'do all sorts of things in it' room,' I shall be able to do a lot of things that I was unable to do downstairs. For instance I have a mass of photos that I want to get into some sort of order and make easily accessible to look at. With that sort of job, which can't be completed in one go, you need to be able to get up and leave everything just as it is and then have a go at it when the mood takes you.

If I had attempted that downstairs, I am sure that dear little Ellie would have been only too pleased to have 'helped' me by unsorting them again. Also I shall be able to do various jobs like rehabilitating small pieces of furniture etc. I already have two interesting-looking chairs that Joanie found in the shed that stood in front of her house, but now demolished. We will be moving the second bed down this week as Cathy will be visiting next weekend and is looking forward to helping Joanie with the multitude of jobs still to be done. So as you see, it is onwards and upwards.

Leonard Pavitt, (To Ramón and Judy) 1/3/00: Many thanks for your Christmas greeting. We are glad to know that you are both busy and happy. It seems to me to be quite a coincidence that you card came whilst I was working through my word-processor discs in order to see what I wanted to print out and keep. They contain all sorts of things, such as excerpts from letters and other writings that told of family matters, so that I would have some sort of family diary. I sometimes think of something and pop it on disc and then lose track of it and, whilst searching through them, I came across the following piece. I wrote it some years ago after reading something from you in KIT about the whole miserable business of how you had been treated by the Bruderhof in regard to your trying to keep contact with your daughter.

Anyhow, this was my reaction at the time:

"I was thinking over the whole sad story of Ramón and his daughter, and how he was prevented from keeping in touch with her and not told of her illness, then only hearing of her death a month or so after she died. I couldn't help thinking, 'What if that had happened to me and Joanie?" The thought made me feel extremely angry.

I feel angry about all the people on this planet who are so damned sure that they are right and everyone else is wrong. I wouldn't mind so much if they just messed up one another's lives, but so many other lives are damaged. I should like to see all the religious know-alls put on two islands, in shark-infested waters, without any possibility of being able to make boats, men on one end and women on the other so that they wouldn't have children and mess them up as well. I would have another large island reserved for most of the psychologists, psychiatrists and psychoanalists, so many of whom appear to be merely religious fundamentalists in secular clothing.

I blithely lump them all together, faintly aware of indignant yells coming from each of the 'disciplines.' Perhaps one should call them 'indisciplines'. Both the religious and secular groups are convinced that they know what is best for everyone else They both have their own particular 'dogmas,' 'doctrines,' 'beliefs,' 'schools of thought,' call it what you will. The religious claim Direct Divine Inspiration or, if they haven't been fortunate enough to get it Direct, they claim they are following someone else's Direct Divine Inspiration. The psychologists, etc., do more or less the same, proclaiming their own Divine Direct Inspiration or that they are following the Direct Divine Inspiration of Freud or Jung or someone even more trendy.

Some Non-Divine Inspirations

Regarding my own position vis-a-vis the Society of Brothers and the Hutterians, unlike some ex-members, I do not think it possible, for me anyhow, to come to any sort of reconciliation with them, for the simple reason that I am opposed to any way of living that does not allow freedom of conscience. In the Society, as in the Hutterian communities, the individual conscience is subservient to the 'communal conscience.' Likewise I do not think, as some appear to do, that it can be 'improved,' because it is deeply and basically flawed, mainly in the way already mentioned, the lack of freedom of conscience. But they have also taken a number of 'virtues,' such as 'complete unity,' 'rejection of private property' and driven them to such extremes that the first 'virtue' becomes religious totalitarianism and adherence to the second virtue makes it extremely difficult to get free from the first.

Well, dear friends, there it is anyhow. Joanie and I send you our love and hope very much to hear from you both, from time to time, how you are getting on in the new Millennium.

Alfred C. Ames, 3/17/00: Though I am not a veteran of Bruderhof membership, I continue to be one of the newsletter's fascinated readers. And if I may, I would like to contribute some appreciative memories of Leonard Pavitt. I first met Leonard when, in the early '50s, he and Alan Stevenson, on a recruiting mission for the Bruderhof, sojourned for a time in Evanston Friends Meeting. They were winsome advocates, and my wife and I and no doubt other Evanston Friends responded positively to them. But, fortunately, none of us joined up.

Time passed. Leonard and Joan Britts married, in Paraguay. They participated in the mass migration from Paraguay to the United States and, in due course, became ex-members of the Bruderhof. When Nell and I met them again, they were living precariously in southern Wisconsin where Joan's oldest, Simon, was beginning to sink roots of his own. He still lives there.

From this second meeting, a sustained and intimate association grew. Leonard and I might disagree about whether or not our friendship illustrates the line from a popular hymn, "Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love." After the Bruderhof experience, Leonard and Joan avoided "organized religion." Leonard told me that even when he first joined the Bruderhof he was secular-minded. But only recently, when I quoted to him the line, "There is more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds," he responded vigorously, saying he had put that on his short list of treasured sayings. For my part, I agree with William Penn that "it is a conformity of mind and practice to the will of God, in all holiness of conversation according to the dictates of this holy Spirit of light and life in the soul, which denotes a person truly a child of God." I believe that Leonard's mind and practice conformed well. Cordially Yours,

Arthur Lord, 3/22/00: Our son, Norman Anthony, telephoned me from Germany, and his first question was whether I had read Bob Peck's writing in the recent issue of KIT. I hadn't. "Then you must," he said. "It is just what you and Mum have always represented."

I then told Anthony that I had written more than had been included in the March issue, but it is up to the editors how much of any contribution is printed. We went to Wheathill in 1945, the day that the European part of the Second World War came to an end. Mildred had sent for information, having seen a Short note in 'Peace News' and thinking they would be 'a group of monks.'

In due course we got a lot of literature, and a short letter from Jack Ellison. I took half the info with me because I was off night duty at the Fire Force headquarters, a few miles from where we lived, and to where I had had the good fortune to be transferred. I was a registered conscientious objector, with the proviso that I must serve in some service other than the armed forces.

When I got home the next night, we could hardly wait to start discussing what we had read, and could not sleep until we had become clear that we 'must find out if it was all true. The short of it is that we did visit, independently (we had two small children) and, to the horror of our parents, sold up our home and went (as guests). The appropriate authorities were in agreement for me to leave the National Fire Service to work on the land, but cutting the red tape was not easy.

However, we got there. We never expected things to be perfect. A good deal of what Bob Peck has written applied to Wheathill as a matter of fact, when he described the washing-up duty I thought back to doing it together with Manfred Kaiser and Reg Chatterton in the Wheathill wash-up kitchen, at Lower Bromdon.

We came through the 1948 'crisis,' and I think we learned something from it. Certainly, the sisters became more vociferous in brotherhood meetings. Mildred and I have always looked back to those days with the deepest joy. That does not mean there were no struggles. As Bob indicates, such things demonstrate the truest democracy, which was developing.

I first met Bob shortly after we went to Primavera. I had been assigned night-watch duty. There was a strange noise in the forest, and I called the nearest single brother, who happened to be Bob. Another night I cracked a rib by falling up the steps from the steam engine; but I always enjoyed that duty. I spent some days in hospital next to Bob, as we had both contracted jaundice and had to be isolated. Betty Robinson was cook there, and she asked me if there was anything special I would like. I said I would like some tripe. Her husband, Johnny, was in charge of the slaughterhouse, so she got some, and cooked it for my dinner. There were still bits of grass in it! She got me some more later.

I think Bob sums up things very well. The confusion of 1961 came from overzealous North American converts, who were not restrained by Heini. Many years later, seven 'brothers,' including North American ones, visited us in Lancashire and asked forgiveness for the way we had been treated. How many more were visited?

Oh well, I suppose we were getting on our feet a bit by then. It had not been easy, but we can never guarantee that life will be. I was three months without paid work. We got help from the State, and Anthony, and later Linda contributed. From the community nothing. They ever suggested we write to our parents for the fare to go to them; we didn't. Mildred had had the experience of five years in our own home, much of which was without me. So she knew what was needed and had collected all kinds of practical things whilst we were still in Ibaté waiting for transport to England. Mildred refused to fly as she had got too much baggage tablecloths for us as sheets, blankets, knives and forks, aluminium plates; she was simply wonderful, and when we got to Longridge, she had the difficult task of getting our three youngest fixed up educationally. Work was not easy to find. I started going from business to business outwards from Preston town centre. My cousin was a draughtsman in engineering, had been seven years without work in the 1930s. I was luckier. And through it all, Mildred kept her faith in God and His leading. It is only now that I am realising just how firm that faith was, now she has gone.

3/27/00: I had a phone call from Belinda Manley yesterday. She had been in touch with the hospital in Torquay, who told her that Nellie Dorrell was doing well after her stroke, and should be home in a couple of weeks. I mentioned that the community near Canterbury were to be on TV. I did not see them, as I was out and had forgotten to put forward the clock in the car. That is enough for the present. If any of you are in this area, you would be welcome better to let me know, though, to make sure I will be in! Greetings to all,

Hannah (Goodwin) Johnson, 2/2/00: Today in western Pennsylvania is a blue-sky, sunny day. I looked through my 24-hour weather channel window, grabbed my coat and went out the door, checking my pocket for keys to get back in. I wished I had grabbed gloves too too cold! I felt a little incompetent and blamed the bright sun for deceiving me.

"It's getting better," said the man at the store.

That is hope, The impatient in me is deceived. The deceptive inclination blames the very fount of hope. Here the day is Groundhog Day, in English tradition 'Candlemas.' If Candlemas Day be sunny and bright, Winter will have another flight. But if Candlemas Day be clouds and rain, Winter is gone and will not come again. Fly on, swift white carrion-eater: You are spectacular in the blue...

Margot (Wegner) Purcell, 3/15/00: This morning I took my regular walk around the little lake in Columbia. Many red-wing blackbirds were trilling on branches near the water. Cardinals were everywhere as were robins, and starlings. I saw the first bloodroot of this spring blooming and the skunk cabbage is just starting to emerge. Buds on many of the trees are blooming. The kingfisher flew by they had just returned to this lake.

As I was walking along, I heard a loud splash and there was the beaver. He swam along the edge of the lake almost as fast as I was walking. Occasionally he would dive under and swim on, but most of the time he was visible. (I think it was the male as it was a very large beaver). He was quite a distance from his lodge. I walked along and he swam. He disturbed some ducks that were lazily bouncing on the water, then passed under a branch where a great blue heron was preening itself. I walked along, met several other walkers, who seemed oblivious to their surroundings. When we got to the bridge at the end of the lake, I waited and saw the beaver dive under and pass under the bridge. Here the water is only one foot deep at the flow area, so it was easy to see him swim along towards his food stash. Here he stopped and seemed to check it out, then went on into his lodge. A few turtles that had just emerged were chased back into the water by the beaver and me. I so enjoyed this, as I have been watching the lodge be built, observed the dam over the last few years and seen the trees they cut down, but never saw the beaver till now.

On my way back, I heard a duck and looked around to see a mallard pair up in a tree. This is not usual behavior for mallards. The male soon flew down awkwardly, but the female seemed stuck. She continued to walk up the slanting trunk of the tree and was quite high up. I thought that she might be a wood duck female who had met a male mallard and was teaching him how to live in trees. (For those who are not familiar with wood ducks, they do nest in trees. The day after the young are hatched they drop down to the ground, never to return to the nest.) It was some time before the female mallard had the courage to fly down. I do not know what made them climb the tree ­ could have been a dog.

I then walked on to where the red-shoulder hawk pair has a nest. I saw them both. One was bringing "soft stuff" to the nest. They have a huge nest in a beech tree and are easily visible if you know where to look. Some local birders have told me that the hawks have been known to be very protective and have swooped down on people. I think they may be incubating their eggs now and when the young are hatched they become more protective. Today they both just watched me.

So now I am back in our store and getting ready for the day's work. I wonder how many things I will be missing out there. Enjoy your day,

Name Withheld, 1/9/00: The Small Quiet Voice, inspired and obliged by The Holy Spirit, Universal Intelligence, Wisdom (or whatever you may all it) sends via this means of communication the following most urgent message to: Johann Christoph Arnold and the entire Arnold Clan, the entire Meier Clan, the entire Barth Clan, the Zumpe, Potts, Winter, Keiderling, Domer, Gneiting and all Bruderhof members in leadership positions of 'good standing,' the 'Bruderhof Youth' and everybody living on Bruderhofs in the USA, U.K., Africa, Japan, Australia, Russia or wherever: What in reality is the mover deep down inside you, at this time and age, at the turn of this millennium?

You claim to follow the teachings of Christ and the Early Christians. You claim to be 'a living copy' (or something in that direction) of the Early Christians. Some 2000 years ago, the Early Christians, according to the New Testament, had very nigh the same and similar problems as you people do, as so clearly and outspokenly written in the letters by the Apostle James and reprinted in the New Testament which is as timely now, after 2000 years, as it was then! So I plead with you to diligently read the follow, not only with your intellect but with your hearts, because Time Is Running Out For All Of Us... James 3:1: "My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation." James 4: 3: "Ye ask and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts...

8: Cleanse your hands, ye sinners, and purify your hearts, ye double-minded.

12: There is one lawgiver who is able to save and to destroy; who are thou that judges another?

16: But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.

17: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

James 5: 1: Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you.

2: Your riches are corrupted, and your garments are moth-eaten.

3: Your gold and silver is cankered; and the rust of them shall be a witness against you and shall eat your flesh as if it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days.

4. Behold, the hire of the labourers who have reaped down your fields, which you kept back by fraud, crieth; and the cries of them which have reaped have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth.

5. Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter.

6. Ye have condemned and killed the just; and he doth not resist you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Recall minutely and in all detail that which has happened during the past 40 years in your group, now as in the past known by the name 'Bruderhof,' and take heed to follow the explicit advice above, an advice that was transmitted by The Holy Spirit 2000 years ago to the Apostle James, which The Small Quiet Voice, compelled by The Holy Spirit, is obliged to render!

Joseph Idiong, 3/1/00: Dear Joe Keiderling, Greeting of the season to you and all the good people over there at Woodcrest Bruderhof.

I could have replied to your letter dated December 27, 1999 immediately but I wanted to be sure of what to reply and I could only do that by going back into history, that is, going through my communication with Anthea since you threw me out of the New Meadow Run bruderhof on the 1st of March, 1995. Today is exactly 5 years since that eventful day ho! how days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. One thing is certain, I am still here and I have not yet come back to beg on my knee as you predicted.

Joe, in your letter you stated that you cannot go against Anthea's will and that she is terrified of me and the people, I'm associated with [KIT]. I want to tell you that Anthea have never told me this verbally or otherwise as can be seen from my records. From that letter you wrote to me, I conclude that she has not been seeing my letters and if I may ask, why are you doing this? Is this not a crime? Joe, to further prove you wrong, Christoph your leader in his millennium greetings to KIT members on the 12-16-99 stated that and I quote "and that we in the Bruderhof are not afraid of you, that we love you and pray for you and wish you the best." My question therefore is, is Anthea not part of the "we in the Bruderhof? Is it not KIT members that I'm associated with? Who is telling the truth here? You or Christoph? To me this only goes to show your double standard on issues and this is very very unchristian.

Joe, I want you to know that you people are playing with my rights and that of my daughter and that people are watching, for how long they will continue to watch is what I do not know. In case you do not believe that I know, take a look at the following: As adopted in 1957, the convention on the Rights of the child, Article 9 states that

1- A child shall not be separated from his/her parent against their will.

2- In any proceeding pursuant to (one) interested parties shall be given an opportunity to participate in the proceeding and make their views.

3 - The child who is separated from one or both parents has the right to maintain personal relations and direct contact on a regular basis, etc...

Article 15 - Parties should recognize the right of the child to freedom of association, and freedom to a peaceful assembly.

Article 16 - No child should be subject to abitrary or unlawful interference with his/her privacy, family home or correspondence nor to unlawful attacks etc...

Article 18 - States that both parents should have common responsibilities for the up bringing and development of the child, etc...

Article 12 No one shall be subject to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor attacks upon his honor and reputation, everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

Article 6 - (1) Men and women of full age without limitations due to race nationality or religion, have the right to marry and found a family, they are entitled to equal rights as to marriage during and after its dissolution.

Article 18 - Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom either alone or in a community with others and in the public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching practice, worship and observance.

Article 20 - Section (2) No one may be compelled to belong to an association adopted and proclaimed in 1948.

Joe, I am not asking for any part of your riches, All I am asking for is to be able to see my daughter, let her know that she has a father who loves her, like every other child in the Bruderhof.

Please do not let the world judge us on this, because we profess to be Christians. Please do not take my right because of my realization that Jerusalem is not the only place to worship God.

Inno Idiong, 2/18/00: Dear Christoph, greetings of the New Millennium! I am being compelled by the prevailing circumstances of the moment to break my much-cherished silence over the current wave of persecution, blackmailing and rumours now in full circulation. I do not intend to take things this far for granted, in spite of the insignificance of these rumours, knowing pretty well that such gossips if left unattended could be harmful and dangerous, simply because it's all about Palmgrove people and Nigerians. It is so because you had once successfully demonized Palmgrove people as well as reducing us to the bottom line. Today, we're becoming targets for hate, gossip and despising. What else do you want from defenseless, voiceless people?

Palmgrove fathers living in America, and boys in England, could easily be roped, framed-up and persecuted for what they may not be guilty of. Please, kindly tell Christian Domer and Joe Keiderling to relax their bear-grip on the boys. These boys pose no threat to the existence of the Bruderhof. You do know, perhaps, much more better than I do, that they won't get away with an attack on the Bruderhof.

Before Christmas, 1999, I got a phone call from Ebong Ebong telling me that Christian Domer made a distressed call to him in Chicago demanding to know whether I am in the States to encourage the denied Bruderhof-Nigerian fathers to rise-up against your Bruderhof. To me, that would not only be cowardice, but uncivilized and contradictory on my part, as well as on the part of those believing that these fathers and I could do that. When Ebong Ebong spoke with me, he told me that Christian said that the report came from the "Western Brothers" (Hutterites) about a plot that never was. Listen, whatever happens to Ebong Ebong is absolutely your inability to reason with reality.

I want to seize this opportunity to share with you a true but unfortunate story concerning Aniekan Bassey, Susan Mason's husband. Aniekan is right now suffering from a "Mental Wreck." Aniekan you know, suffers hearing disabilities and could not survive alone anymore in a highly sophisticated and individualistic American society without his wife whom he relied so much upon and his son whom he loves so much. They were his hope and future, yet your Christianity denied Aniekan this hope and has taken away his future.

Aniekan lost his mother and father while serving the Bruderhof. He was not allowed to see them before death or to visit after their death. Today Aniekan is on the lunatic fringe and is daily rotting away in great pains and unsoundness of mind. If I may ask you, Christoph Vetter, how do you feel about this'? To me a sinner, it's tearful and heart-rending.

Finally, what shall the aggrieved Bruderhof fathers and I advantage or gain if we continue to love the Bruderhof or if we continue to show bitterness against the Bruderhof after we've managed to free ourselves of any of the above and put it all in the past? Although the boys on one hand had sadly been separated from their wives and children by the Bruderhof, on the other hand they remain totally free now from bitterness.

Christoph Vetter, I know what you need most, as well as I do, is Jesus. I am praying for you to see your mistakes in turning your back and walked away from the hundreds of souls you helped gather in Palmgrove. Christ would not have been Lord and Saviour of this world today if he had walked away from the world and put it blame on Satan, who did truly stand in His way.

Christ is our love and confidant, with a love that neither your Bruderhof nor the world can give us, even at the greater price of laying down our lives on the stalk.

Happy New Year from all in Palmgrove and the boys,

Elizabeth Bohlken-Zumpe, 3/5/00: Julius! I was delighted when I found your book in my mailbox! It really looks good and I have started reading it, but am a slow reader. It is easy to read and you have studied Eberhard Arnold. Well! I am looking forward to reading the rest and will let you have my response. I am amazed at the "negative book reviews" on Amazon.com. Can only be the Bruderhof, but how could they respond that fast? They always say that you are not competent to write a book because you never lived there. I guess they know nothing about an academic study. I want to thank you for your perseverance in getting the book published and am sure it will have a big impact on the Bruderhof today!

I was sorry to hear Edmund Cocksedge died. I remember him and his wife Amy well. We came over to Paraguay on the same boat and the group was very close. I also remember, that Amy had her second child in der Halle. We did not have a motherhouse then and she had the baby, right next to my bed, with screens around her. I woke in what seemed the middle of the night (I was six years old) and heard whispering voices and repressed sighs, and wondered if someone was in pain. Next morning a little baby was born and I wondered, why I did not see or at least hear an angel flying in and out!

I think all of us should have a lot of respect, for how our parents managed in the pioneering years!! Bob Peck: His wife Hanna phoned Migg in Switzerland on the 3rd and Migg phoned me about Bob's death. My thoughts are with Hanna, an old Loma-friend of mine. The Zumpe and the Martin Family always were close. It is so hard to accept the going of a loved one, and I am so happy for her that Hans(li) is with her and that the girls are such a help for her. I remember

Hilarion Braun, 3/8/00: I just wondered whether anyone remembers the hookworm cures we used to take. A tablespoon of sugar saturated with carbon tetrachloride, followed by a magnesium sulfate solution. Those worms left long before the carbon tetrachloride had hit them. I used to dread the cure so much that I would resist until I was too weak to fight my mother. Poor Artur Mettler tried whisky to gain courage, and it almost cost him his life. I hear the Mennonites used gasoline instead of carbon tetrachloride. One can't even buy carbon tetrachloride anymore, except for chemistry labs. The stuff is mean, but then we needed something meaner than the hookworms. With a bad infestation one could lose as much as ten cubic centimeters of blood a day. I hope this wasn't too gross! ;-Linda Lord Jackson, 3/9/00: I remember the dreaded hooky 'Kur' only too well, I had great difficulty getting those 'bullets' down, I did not know what they contained, but they tasted vile, and the taste lingered all day, in spite of all the water we had to drink eight litres was it, or was it more it seemed like a whole takamar. The stomach felt bloated and painful all day. I never felt like eating for several days after. We tried to 'book' (in Loma) to have the communal wind up record player that day, so we could listen to music and take our minds of the pain and discomfort a little bit.

Other ghastly memories come to mind, of hiding 'wabble' and cod liver oil it was always old, and tasted of stale fish then I could never face the shlemmpe, served in the same dish as the goulash, a goulash rim remaining round the edge of the plate.

Charlie Lamar, 3/10/00: Dear Linda and everyone else as well, Quite apart from the facts of poverty, I think there is something about hard-boiled (Christian or other) religiousity which idealizes the eating of food as an unpleasant duty rather than a natural pleasure. I was brought up that way before I ever came to the Bruderhof.

Ruth (Baer) Lambach, 3/12/00: What a fascinating story, Lee. Please do expound on the doll. There may be a relationship between primitive inhibitions about making idols. I know there is in me.

When I recently visited a Hutterite Colony and saw a picture of Jesus, in his usual insipid flower child, long hair, inexperienced innocent face, I was disgusted. Dolls created then have the possibility of being stuck with pins, of being invaded, of having a hex put on them. One must protect ones life. I have the same feeling when I see images of famous people on the covers of magazines. Can you imagine how many people project various things onto those images? Is that not energy that eventually gets back to the person whose image is being so publicly displayed?

Charlie: Es ist nicht alles Gold was glanzt. Or that which on the surface tastes good, like candy, cake, cookies and other things made from sugar, flour and lard no matter how they're dressed up, are not good for you. I think there is something about people who take their life seriously, that begin to think about every aspect of their lives and want to live as healthy an existence as possible, make choices that to the ordinary eye appear to be grossly fanatical and stupid. My first job was with an orthodontist who wouldn't permit his children to eat sugar. This was considered weird back in 1959. Today I see many adults in their 30s with brown teeth from all the coke they've consumed. Do I sound like a religious fanatic? A lot of what we see, hear, taste and do in the modern world is designed to make money. It is not necessarily designed for the ultimate good of the person consuming it. I honor those people who choose to make conscious choices about what they permit their children to consume. I took cod liver oil. We put horse piss on ringworm. We ate raw onion sandwiches to avoid colds in the winter. That's all good stuff.

Charlie Lamar, 3/12/00: ARRRRRRRGH!!!

David E. Ostrom, 3/14/00: I have been following some of the comments and observations made by people on the hummer regarding their memories and experiences as young people on the various hofs. There has been a question rumbling around in the back of my vacuous mind about what people thought about as young people teenagers specifically male female relationships.

I remember a rambling walk I had with Guy Johnson at Forest River at which time he, in a very delicate and indirect way, asked if I ever thought about girls/women and marriage. In my oafish California innocence I replied, "Sure, many times!" As you all are aware, "WRONG ANSWER." That is another story but, getting back to my question.

I do not mean thoughts of a sexual or intimate nature, rather, what would it be like to spend a life time with someone? What would it be like to experience life with someone, to share hopes and dreams? To sense the joy with one's mate, the success of their hopes and dreams. To experience hardships and provide comfort and support and in turn, receive comfort and support when pressures are great and one cannot see one's way.

What would it be like to form a new 'subgroup,' to realize the full abilities that each have and to see dreams become reality?

Or, as I sort of suspect, were these were no-no thoughts and too prideful for the group? Sincerely,

Hilarion Braun, 3/14/00: Hi Dave! For me, the Bruderhof supplied all of the comfort and support I could imagine anyone receiving, provided one could stay within its grace, something that I never managed. To me, my parent's marriage was so subjugated to the Bruderhof that it didn't seem to be a marriage in the usual sense of the word. In the end, when my mother decided to stay faithful to my father, instead of bowing to Heini, they started to have a real marriage. That's a long story. In a sense, since the Bruderhof provides camaraderie, comfort, care taking etc. the only thing left in marriage is "legitimate" sex, and producing children. I never thought of getting married on the Bruderhof, even though I was crazy about one of the girls in school, because I was always convinced that I could not fit in to the Bruderhof's scheme. Love,

Sam Arnold, 3/16/00: I want to know what others think about spiritual freedom, and the right of each person to practice their own spirituality.

Already at an early age I questioned religious training because I did not believe the Bible, or man's interpretation of it, as being fact. Later, I witnessed the failure of servants (and many church ministers) to live up to the job of ministering "God's word" because: a) they had no more idea than any of us did about God, and b) they were using their position of authority to coerce and even abuse the people that they were supposed to be helping. They couldn't do the job expected of them and so were doing a lousy job of spiritual training. For me religious training has not meant spiritual training.

In the sustenance and development of the mind, body and spirit, it is the spirit that is the most difficult to understand because of its intangible and mystical nature. It is believed to be the only part of us that can survive death, and maybe also return as the spirit in another person or life form.

It therefore seems so very important that the spirit in humans be treated with respect and dignity, and not be forced to fit a mold that does not suit it, or that benefits someone else. Each person must be free to discover and develop this part of their being either independently, or in concert with others. The right to do so autonomously at any time needs to be safeguarded by law. This will benefit each person and help keep dishonest and dangerous leaders in check. My objective here is not just to upset the religious establishment, but to speak for the individual's right to self-determination, and to limit and control spiritual abuse and other abuses. I believe that this must happen also on the Bruderhof, or in any other high demand authoritarian communities.

David E. Ostrom, 3/16/00: Who is defined as individual? I do not intend to sound impertinent, I raise the question as most sociology and philosophy assume two classes, Mankind those of the top 10% to 1% who control the masses or the common man who is the second class.

Nietzsche appears to take the position God is dead and that man is all there is. He never does define who Man is other than apparently those in position to influence or control large blocks of humanity.

Sir James Jeans appears to present an alternative or opposing position. In his "Man and the Universe", Jeans makes the observation that any serious scientist acknowledges there is a supreme force larger than man, call it The Light, God, The Unknown, Nature or what ever, it is! Jeans continues that all mankind is effected by this power. He goes on, maybe as you are saying, that each person has to make their own decision as to how they will relate to this power.

You mentioned a concern about forcing young people to a doctrine or belief at an early age by people who have no qualifications for the position. This might be a starting point, defining the what is taught, the need for what is taught and who receives the teachings.

There are a couple of issues here. One, there is a need to educate the children of a society in some form of frame work for social interaction or there would be anarchy. Two, as I understand it, since the time mankind began communicating, there has been a question/need for answers to why, who, what and why? I am not well read enough to cite sources of the statement that claim since the beginning, mankind has paid homage to or acknowledged powers other than the "real" or material world, some sort of God or supreme being/power.

I think that many of the Bruderhof sabra react negatively to the concept of spiritual teaching because of the teaching experience in the Bruderhof. I may have taken the long way around to ask, "Is the reaction to religious training based on past personal experience or is it a reaction to formal education, that is to strive for conformity of thought according to society's idea of right and wrong? Bear with me :-)

Ruth (Baer) Lambach, 3/17/00: I've joined a church for the first time in my life. They have no dogma nor belief system. I don't have to believe in Jesus. The minister is the chairman of the Parliament of World Religions and he's a mystic. Last Sunday we heard a Catholic monk, Wayne Teasdale give a lecture on his book: The Mystic Heart. In a nutshell the book puts forth that every human being is essentially a mystic and that at the core of all religions is mysticism. It's a beautiful book. I highly recommend it. I think you'd resonate with it, Sam.

Hilarion Braun, 3/17/00: Dave asks, "Is the reaction to religious training based on past personal experience or is it a reaction to formal education, that is to strive for conformity of thought according to society's idea of right and wrong?

In my case the answer is unambiguously No! I rather enjoy the fact that I know the Bible well, and know with certainty that I don't believe it. I agree with

you that one has to believe that somehow all of this came about in a way that we can't explain. Hence one might say there must be a power or whatever through which this happened. That doesn't mean one picks up ancient documents and indoctrinates one's children with out critique of any sort, according to these documents. As far as educating children to be loving and caring, that doesn't have to be done through religious propaganda. In fact the present SOB is a good example of how that doesn't work, unless you think that Christian Domer should get the next Nobel peace prize! ;-) Love,

David E. Ostrom, 3/17/00: There are many factors that contribute to why things are done. The point I was trying to make in my first posting was there is the personal belief system and then there is the social or cultural belief system which may or may not be imposed on the individual. If I read Sam correctly, his interest was the question of individual spiritual freedom.

My own belief is in Christianity and that was arrived at by my own free will. I do not go with the mainstream Christian position that says, "Now that I am a believer, I must convert you and everyone else I know to my belief", that is why I quoted Jeans. Each individual has to arrive at their own conclusion/decision. In the larger context of the need for instruction, it would be interesting to hear from Tim Domer and his experienced with the Native Americans in his area on how they used to/presently teach their youth. You point out that it is possible to educate children to be loving and caring. If one looks only at the parent/educator's idea of compassionate to whom and love what group or section, this is valid. The problem is to have an agreed upon concept of what love and compassion is and how these traits are displayed. I use two examples.

A few years ago I was part owner of a psychedelic light show here in the bay area. At that time I had a military style crew cut hair style and wore Levis and flannel shirts (typical western red-neck garb) although I was in complete agreement with the new age people. We happened to attend a meeting of entertainers at the Family Dog at San Francisco. One of the speakers was a well known hippie (as they say in Walnut Creek, frippy heak translated as hippy freak). At this meeting this individual was orating about the Age of Aquarius, love, peace and brotherhood. Right? Then he looked over at me, pointing, and yelled, "But we'll kick the live'n $% &$&% out of these up-tight, red-necked ( ^&%(^ ^. Now, we all now that the hippies of San Francisco circa 1966 were good, peace loving people right? The second example was sitting in Gemindestunde, listening to Heini rant on about the cutting edge of love.

As much as I would like to disagree with Heini, on this point he was in some ways correct. As a parent, when my children (young adults do things that are inappropriate, I have to make clear to them as much as I love them, I cannot and will not condone/tolerate bad actions. The punishment bothers me but without some discipline (not corporal/physical) the child will not learn. So, in a sense Heini is correct. There appears to be some contradictions in these examples, inter and intra. That is where society or culture steps in and makes certain definitions and sets standards or norms. To me, it is not so much a question why it is, but that it is.

My question is how do I pursue my belief while allowing other to pursue theirs. I get caught up in a circle of society is a mob and a mob is society. I think the evolution of the Bruderhof confirms the fact good people get caught up in an idea and develop a mob mentality to force social conformity to their ideals. Said too much, too long. Gotta go get a cold beer and cool off! :-)

Paula (McWhirter) Buck, 3/17/00: I go with the belief that no one else is any more right, or wrong then I. I'm not offended when someone chooses to share their spiritual belief system with me... only when they find It necessary to force It on me. If anyone sees the bible as the do all and end all... that's fine. It doesn't work for me, but, that's not to say that it doesn't work for anyone. This came from learning, though. Having done the Pentecostal thing, and finding It very embarrassing to tell others that they were going to hell for disagreeing with me, when, In fact, I don't have a clue what happens, for sure... or if what does happen, happens to everybody. maybe it all happens... maybe none of It does. I think there's far too much emphasis on what might happen, and not near enough emphasis on what's happening now. I do feel that it's Important for parents to expose children to many different spiritualities, allowing them to find a path that is comfortable for them to travel alone. and it's a shame when folks are led to believe there's only one way to be ...spiritually, emotionally, physically ...whatever. My 2 cents,

Melchior J. Fros, 3/18/00: Dear Sam: I'm going to start with thoughts you expressed at the end of your post: limiting and controlling spiritual and other abuses. I'm going to write from the perspective of one who tries to follow Christ's teachings. I fear Christians are most often singled out for criticism concerning spiritual abuse because their faith makes a controversial claim attributed to Jesus: peace with God comes through faith in Christ. Not faith in Mohammed or Joseph Smith or even Eberhard Arnold. In a certain sense, therefore, Christ-followers don't have the luxury of pursuing and promoting spiritual freedom the way it is commonly understood. Christ it is said, is the one, final and complete link to God. I imagine this is distasteful for you and others to read.

I am going to assume that your questions are based on your reading of "Churches that Abuse" ...in short, your concern/criticism is aimed at the Christian faith and abuses that arise from indoctrination and practice. I am guessing (based on many conversations I have had over the years) that your rejection of the Christian faith has more to do with the way it was presented perhaps even forced on you rather than with the message itself. I may be wrong; perhaps you have given the message, "Emmanuel - God with us," serious thought and decided you can not believe it/internalize it in the way it is presented in it's written form.

With these two assumptions in place, let me try to answer your concern about spiritual abuse. Spiritual (or any other kind of abuse you may name) often is the result of a lack of accountability. When Eberhard set sail for the Promised Land in his own little Ark, he perhaps unknowingly cut himself adrift from accountability to others of his Christian peers. Eberhard claimed he was doing nothing other than seeking to live the NT example of a shared life. This, he felt, had to be a Spirit-led life in order to succeed. It could not be based on the dead letter of Scripture or Spirit-stifling human tradition. Eberhard's message was a life led by the Spirit.

There have been many prophets since Jesus' time claiming to have a new or a more complete message from God than the one attributed to Jesus. Mohammed in the 6th Century, and Joseph Smith (founder of the Mormon faith) in the 19th Century are two examples. Eberhard Arnold is looked upon as a Prophet of the 20th Century by my mother and others (1.) Eberhard (unwittingly?) became the embodiment of what he understood to be a faith led by the Spirit rather than by Scripture and tradition. Certainly his charisma was able to diffuse the harsh criticism today aimed at the Arnoldleut's practice of a dictatorship of the Holy Spirit (2). In a certain sense Eberhard did not wish to dictate, but in another sense, there was no one but he to interpret the leading of the Spirit among his flock.

And this as near as I can tell- is often true for "prophets" coming after Christ, claiming to have a more complete message than the one given by the carpenter of Nazareth. Sam, you were born into a church whose "accountability structure" (read, the lack of it as we normally understand it) was defined by your grandfather and further interpreted by his successors, Heini and Johann Christoph. The brotherhood EA envisioned was perhaps meant to provide a degree of accountability. But the many dismissed from "the life" for daring to speak up about the Arnoldleut's departure from traditional Christian faith and practice, demonstrates the level to which the "united brotherhood" has fallen. I think this is in great part what you (rightfully) are reacting to. The book "Churches That Abuse" surely underscores the need for accountability. Oh, boy, now I am in hot water! ;)

Notes: (1) "May They All be One" by R. Domer page 261 (2) Heini Arnold writing to the Wagoners, "Torches Rekindled" p.8-10

Johanna (Patrick) Homann, 3/18/00: I believe that discovering your own spirituality is a life long journey, and that this journey is often stopped or stifled by those who try to convert or control other's individual development with their own agendas. I respect that everyone has the right to their own belief system, but they lose my respect when they try to force these beliefs on me.

Our spiritual journey is very personal and private journey and as I grow I am observing and listening to others and may draw a little wisdom here and there which I may choose to incorporate into my spiritual journey. I really respect Native American wisdom and practices and am trying to learn more about and from their belief system. So far I sense that their traditional beliefs are based on respect for others/nature and that they don't try to convert/control, but just live what they believe. I find that I am so much more impressed by someone who actually lives what they believe rather than someone who preachers to others about how to live, but doesn't really live this way themselves. Actions speak louder that words. Love,

Melchior J. Fros, 3/19/00: I think the right to develop and practice a religion and/or spirituality is protected by law. Our Constitution wisely places a certain tension between individual rights and the need for governmental control. If I understand you correctly, your concern lies with minors, with those unable to legally exercise their rights. Perhaps you are hinting the B'hof. Should simply allow it's children to grow up within it's structure, free to choose to attend or not to attend Household meeting, Gemeindestunde and other forms of spiritual expression. You, like I, may have felt "forced" to attend meetings that did not interest us at the time.

I share your concern. I have connections to young people severely impacted by their parents' Constitutional right to practice their religion... supposedly the religion of Christianity. Your comments strike a personal note as well: I have a teen daughter reaching the age where she (understandably) questions spiritual things. As her father, I tread a fine line between "helping" and "hindering" her spirituality. It is clear to me I can not "pass on" or in any other way "convince" my children to take up faith in Christ. And yet I have a Biblical "obligation" to "model" my faith and "teach" it. That's where the tension lies. As many persons wisely note, LIVING one's faith will do more good than speaking about it. Janet agrees. We will therefore NEVER force our convictions upon our children. We will love them no matter where their spirituality leads them. Dave, saddle your camel... :)

David E. Ostrom, 3/19/00: My take on the problem is that many, if not most people claiming to be Christian, are or claim to be so for many different and wrong reasons. The Bible is very specific that one establishes the relationship with God and not man! Many people are looking to "download' their problems on someone/thing else and so are taken with the latest Oral Roberts / Jimmy Swaggert / Eberhard Arnold / Heini Arnold or any quick fix scam artist.

Another misleading lure is that of emotionalism. Many churches use music as an appeal to draw people. The sermons and the method of delivery of those

sermons make an emotional appeal to many. This is false! As Storr points out in his "Feet of Clay", people basically look for something to explain the unknown, the unseen, the spiritual. These people may have hang-ups, personal problems or other disfunctions that they are unclear about and so seek solace or relief from these problems by joining other people or groups who have a "quick fix" answer to all the problems.

My understanding of Christianity is that the individual comes to an understanding, finds a relationship if you will, with God. As a result of this relationship, the person then finds relationships with others. In many respects I think Mel has a cleared presentation of this. I can well empathize with Paula McWhirter about evangelism and a lot of what goes on in many churches. I am not attempting to push my brand on anyone, just trying to indicate where I think Christian religions today have and are erring in their faith.

Mel why do I need a saddle?

Ramón Sender, 3/19/00: I've been following Sam's 'Spiritual Freedom' topic with interest, but hesitating to put my own oar in the discussion until now. Anyway, with my own dromedary saddled and ready to ride, here goes.

Mel wrote: "Christ it is said, is the one, final and complete link to God.... ...."Christ-followers don't have the luxury of pursuing and promoting spiritual freedom the way it is commonly understood."

This teaching in the New Testament the 'Only through me" has caused a serious bump in the Christian path, hasn't it? Beyond it is yet another: the biblical precept that only when the whole world has heard of Jesus will He return in 'clouds of glory.' This latter creates quite a push to missionize the planet, as well as those dear souls in dark suits who knock on our and our neighbors' doors on weekends. This missionary zeal, however well intentioned, I personally view as unfortunate on many levels beyond giving me a personal opportunity to explain at my front door that I do not await Christ's return because he does for me every morning at sunrise.

As I think I mentioned once before here on the Hummer, I do believe that religions, like peaches, do not travel well. They should be 'homegrown' within the watershed from whence they spring. Any urge to convince the folks one valley over to abandon the worship of their river god and replace it with your fire-bringer on pain of decapitation should be strenuously stifled by some sort of spiritual Good Neighbor policy.

Great spiritual precepts, on the other hand, are universal the Golden Rule being the most basic, and should be honored as such. From the Golden Rule flow all the democratic freedoms, in my opinion, even the U. N. Declaration of Human Rights.

Other than attempting the impossible task of filtering out of the New Testament the centuries of accretions overlaying the original story, there are ways for me to understand the statements attributed to Jesus, such as "I am the way... Only through me..." that make more sense than the necessity of running around the planet forcing the bible and a pair of pants onto every tribal native.

I believe that some of the alternate ways of understanding these statements are quite ancient, but were banned as heresies at Nicea and elsewhere (Gnosticism, Montanism, Arianism, Adoptionism). How unfortunate that Christianity's basic precepts were not allowed to blossom into ever and even more unique and local variations of the original!

After a brief peek in the Britannica Encyclopedia just now, I think that I personally tend towards the Adoptionist heresy, that the Logos 'possessed' Jesus at his baptism and remained with him until that strange final moment on the cross. This I think also is the same as the Theosophical interpretation that Jesus was 'overshadowed' by The Christ Consciousness.

Christ Consciousness I believe has overshadowed others throughout history such as the Hindu avatars, the Buddha, as well as some of the lesser-known teachers (Ramana Maharshi for one) even perhaps totally unknown beings who were not given the task of imparting their teaching to others. This belief, of course, types me as one of those abhorrent 'New Agers' to many!

Venturing yet further out of my particular closet, I personally understand the descent of the Christ / Logos as allowing planetary incarnations of and identifications with Yahweh, that solar being who in the material realm brings light, life, love, awareness 'enlightenment' to the planet. As someone who gave up a dualistic view of reality in 1966 for a 'vibrational scale' unified view (matter understood as slowed-down light, which itself is slowed-down spirit /being), I worship our parent star as our local god-node, the 'heavenly portal' through which, in the words of the ancient Vedic rishis, all men must ultimately pass a 'golden wormhole' for soul travel after we die... Well, actually they wrote "through which all kings and sages pass," but I think we all end up there one way or another.

So the planetary 'game' then becomes, in the words of a spiritual sister of mine from my commune days, to try to raise one's ability to carry higher and higher vibrational frequencies without 'dropping the body' or harming either oneself or others. "How much bliss can you tolerate?" she would ask.

Sri Aurobindo, the philosopher/saint of Pondicherry, understood the 'game' as 'the Divine's plunge into inconscient matter.' He personally experienced the descent of a higher spiritual state in the 1940s, which he then transmitted to various disciples including Mother Mira (who continued his work after his death). He foresaw the ultimate perfection of the human incarnation with the evolution of a being capable of permanently manifesting the highest spiritual states in an incorruptible body. Of course there have been stories of great saints and masters living for centuries on light and air in the Himalayas, but I think Aurobindo was pointing to some merging of science and spirit, West and East, in some great spiritual advancement of consciousness.

Unfortunately, the man suffered from literary verboseness his tomes run to many hundreds of pages. But from his epic poem "Savitri" about a princess who saves her beloved's life after a long dialogue with Death I quote his vision of future humanity:

I saw the Omnipotent's flaming pioneers

Over the heavenly verge which turns towards life

Come crowding down the amber stairs of birth;

Forerunners of a divine multitude

Out of the paths of the morning star they came

Into the little room of mortal life.

I saw them cross the twilight of an age,

The sun-eyed children of a marvelous dawn,

The great creators with wide brows of calm

The massive barrier-breakers of the world

And wrestler with destiny in her lists of will,

The laborers in the quarries of the gods,

The messengers of the Incommunicable,

The architects of immortality.

Into the fallen human sphere they came,

Faces that wore the Immortal's glory still

Voices that communed still with the thoughts of God,

Carrying the magic word, the mystic fire,

Carrying the Dionysian cup of joy,

Approaching eyes of a diviner man,

Lips chanting an anthem to the soul,

Feet echoing in the corridors of Time,...

High priests of wisdom, sweetness, might and bliss,

Discoverers of beauty's sunlit ways

And swimmers within rapture's laughing, fiery floods

And dancers within rapture's golden doors,

Their tread one day shall change the suffering earth

And justify the light on Nature's face.

Charlie Lamar, 3/19/00: Dear Sam, There never can be any effective legal remedies for human stupidity and foolishness, nor should there be. To be free, people must be free to fail at making a living, at fathoming the truth of commercial advertizing, in the stock market, in their spiritual life, whatever.

You write: "We know that on the Bruderhof the members are not free to worship (or not worship) as they see fit."

But they are free. They are free to leave. There are high human costs when they do so, but the "Life" is supposed to be the "pearl of great price," worth all a man has, and indeed it is for Bruderhofers as well as everyone else.

...How could anyone draft a law against emotional abuse? Financial abuse, perhaps. But can you imagine drafting a law to say people can't put all their money in one pot to live in communally? Actually I can imagine that, but nevertheless I wouldn't want to do it as long as there are so many people around who still think that some form of socialism would be cool.

One of the key safeguards of political freedom is private property because free thought is inextricably intertwined with economic freedom. But even so, let us leave people free to abandon their freedom if they choose. As long as society at large does not do so, their experiments will be instructive for us all in the long run.

Susanna Zumpe, 3/19/00: Charlie wrote: "But they are free. They are free to leave."

Hi Charlie! When you say "they are free" you have to mean the adults who chose "the life". What about the children and minors? You say that they are free to leave. Are they? Who is free, the adults? What about the young people? Now that they are no longer going to allow them access to public schools their options are going to be very limited. How will they get out? When we discuss these issues, especially regarding personal freedom, we have to look at the whole picture, including those who are in positions of complete helplessness, not of their own doing. Love,

David E. Ostrom, 3/19/00: Sam Arnold wrote: "We know that on the Bruderhof the members are not free to worship (or not worship) as they see fit. Christoph as the elder insists on being the liaison between the members and God. He also directly controls the rest of their lives. If people are afraid to leave the Bruderhof when they have religious/spiritual or other disagreements with the elder it suggests that he has too much power and control over the lives of the members."

This is not Biblical. I may be guilty of pushing the Baptist line here but I am fairly confident that most "mainline" Christian churches agree that the individual relates directly with God and as a result of this an association is formed with other like called individuals. The minister/pastor/preacher (the last may not fit the category) assists the individual in their quest of spiritual growth. It always has been and continues to be a struggle in churches, to acquire and maintain a balance between the Board of Elders and the pastor. I am not clear or knowledgeable about Catholicism so I am not aware of where they get the authority of intercession or whatever it is called. That is, the priest or saints having the "direct line" to God for the common people.

Melchior J Fros, 3/20/00: I want to add one more thought to this discussion: Most of us who grew up on the Bruderhof have had ample opportunity to weigh the good against the bad. As it concerns spirituality, most of us have no difficulty pointing out Bruderhof and D.a.W (Servant of the Word) shortcomings. But I wonder if we ever stop to appreciate how much we have learned as a result of the (in part, spiritual) abuses visited on many of us. And likewise, do we appreciate the earnest "seeking" that originally drew many devout and good people to "the life"? I don't wish suffering on anyone, and yet it is through injustices visited upon us that we learn much about what not to do to others.

With great sadness I see in the Arnoldleut continuing in old patterns of thought and behavior. The evidence (fruit) of their current conduct (including books) strongly suggests they are unwilling and/or unable to take a critical look at their past history and make appropriate adjustments. Those who don't learn from their failures are bound to repeat them. Thanks, Sam, for bringing up the matter.

Sam Arnold, 3/20/00: I like what Ramon said, among other things: "Great spiritual precepts, on the other hand, are universal the Golden Rule being the most basic, and should be honored as such. From the Golden Rule flow all the democratic freedoms, in my opinion, and even the U. N. Declaration of Human Rights."

Charlie wrote to Sam: (about Christoph) "Of course he has too much power and control; however they gave him that power."

It is arguable that 'they' gave him that power. Who is 'they'? My understanding of the workings of the brotherhood is that unanimity on any given issue does not come through open debate. Rather, the decisions are made before the brotherhood gets to consider them, and so it is already too late to question them, or to add conditions. I do not see the brotherhood as having any powers at all, but to adopt the decisions already made. The members must say 'yes!' to everything that Christoph and his cronies want.

...Why must new members turn over all their assets to the church when they join without a proviso that they can withdraw them again if the church in some way fails to live up to the understood agreement of membership? Wayne and Betty should have been able to go to Christoph and say, "We disagree with your request to make harassing phone calls to the 800 number, and your choice to take legal action, as these are not in adherence with Anabaptist tenets, or the teachings of Jesus and the Bible. We therefore want to withdraw our membership and assets and leave the church with our family." And Christoph should have been required to comply. As for lifelong members, should they decide that they must leave the Bruderhof because the church has in some way contravened the agreement, should then be allowed to leave with a severance package that reflects the time and contribution that they made to the Bruderhof, both the church and the businesses.

Charlie wrote: "But even so, let us leave people free to abandon their freedom if they choose. As long as society at large does not do so, their experiments will be instructive for us all in the long run."

I disagree. Over the past few millenniums humans have been bred to be led. The familiar words "do as I say" are meant to instruct followership, and not to inspire thinking and problem-solving. Schools teach children to be followers first, and thinkers last. Most of the time the instructions could well be in the follower's best interests, but when the conscience or instincts indicate that they are not, a dilemma emerges: either you disregard your conscience/instincts and continue down the well-trodden path of compliance, or speak up and suffer the consequences. With safeguards, an authoritarian leader can be kept under control. Without safeguards the authoritarian leader can deliberately mislead because he is on a power trip. Followers who are alarmed by demands that seem unreasonable, or are not understood to be part of the norm, will take their cues from others who are caught in the same bind and will find reasons to justify the changes, which of course the leader provides as well. When the point is reached that they absolutely cannot say "yes" again, they have to make the solitary decision to say "no", at which time their whole world is turned upside down.

As far as I know, under Christoph's rulership the only one's to have said "no" to him were the new members. I am certain that many others would have liked to have said no at one time or another, but could not bring themselves to do so because of the overwhelming power that he and his church has over their lives and the vows that they made to the church. I cannot shrug my shoulders and say "they made their choice" because they really don't have one.

'Committing your life to Jesus' is an abstract concept; 'committing your life to the church' is less abstract, but invites spiritual and other abuses. When a person decides to follow Jesus within a group such as the Bruderhof, they must give up their freedom and go with the crowd, even when the crowd turns into a mob. This is not acceptable to my mind. I wonder what the steps were that led to the mass suicide of all those Christian people in Uganda. Once again, we can be sure, a leader gone bad is to blame for this latest tragedy.

Ben Cavanna, 3/20/00: Sam writes: "the crowd turns into a mob. This is not acceptable to my mind. I wonder what the steps were that led to the mass suicide of all those Christian people in Uganda. Once again, we can be sure, a leader gone bad is to blame for this latest tragedy."

Sam, I disagree that the leader gone bad is solely to blame for the tragedy. Surely the abdication of responsibility by the members is what is to blame, just as Christoph's excesses are a result of, and the responsibility of the members abdication of their consciences. Christoph too will have to answer one day for his actions, but the other members cannot escape having to answer too.

For any of us to move forward in any meaningful way, we surely must face our own failures. Blaming others is a continuation of the victim position and how can we make progress from that position?

Taking personal responsibility is the first step to self liberation.

Charlie Lamar, 3/20/00: If we don't leave people free to abandon or lose their freedom, then their so called "freedom" would be a logical self-contradiction. Susie is right when she says that the situation for children and those born into the Bruderhof system is different than that of adult joiners, but that is true for all ethnic subgroups everywhere in society. It's true that most people are more likely to follow than to lead. The only thing such sheep-like Bruderhofers have going for them is the very extremity of their repression. Human nature can only be pushed so far.

I think one instructive way of looking at your line of reasoning, Sam, regarding the desirability of curtailing people's freedoms for their own good is to consider whether you are subconsciously in the habit of thinking of the Bruderhof as something that could somehow be fixed.

Let's look at the problems:

1.) They put some human person between man and God.

2.) They theorize that there is only one valid intellectual path.

3.) They theoretically subordinate the individual to the group and then go on to subordinate the group to its leader.

4.) They hypocritically theorize that they are all socially equal and then conspire to establish a tribal hierarchy amongst themselves according to the degree of biologic relation to their chief by means of arranged marriages.

5.) Having deprived the individual of all spiritual and intellectual rights, then they go on to deprive him of all economic rights as well.

6.) They tolerate an entirely different set of rights and priorities for the leader than they supposedly do for the group. (See problem number 1.)

Now Sam, do you really mean to propose that the US Congress or Canadian Parliament should draft some kind of law to insulate people from the consequences of being that stupid? Should they draft a law to prevent people from putting a man between themselves and God, for example? What happens if Zeus or Wotan descends to walk the earth? What happens when we actually do get a real religious leader? What about the people who really are so primitive that they need to look up to some sort of Pope?

Look what happened to Jesus. At that time, it seems to me, they had the kind of laws you are suggesting.

Sam Arnold, 3/21/00: I see little wrong with people accepting an intermediary to guide them on their spiritual path (certainly not me), but there need to be limits to the power of the intermediary, for once on a "straight and narrow path" the follower can quite easily be paralyzed by the oppressor. We know that brainwashing occurs in most authoritarian churches, and once they are brainwashed by church rhetoric, the follower has virtually no resistance to the oppressor.

Charlie Lamar, 3/21/00: Dear Sam, You write that, "In a so-called civilized society it should not be permissible for a person to abandon or lose their freedom entirely. "

This would put the locus of personal responsibility beyond the decision making powers of the individual in question, rendering his "freedom" non-existent. A state that undertook to license and control religion in this manner would be a maternalistic state populated by infantile citizens. Religion, as a department of such a state, would be unreal religion. Such a program would be analogous to making suicide illegal, which of course we do, but quite foolishly in my opinion. None of this would matter if there were no life beyond the grave; all human choice would be ultimately meaningless anyway. If you think there is no life beyond the grave nothing matters except anaesthetic comfort, does it?

When Jesus was alive the Jews had state certified religion. They rationalized his judicial murder on the issue of his claiming to be a divine intermediary. Likewise any other state that undertook to certify religious practices for the supposed good of the population would ultimately control religion, just as the Jewish state did, thus rendering it meaningless unreal.

By the way, I don't believe in the Bible as a received text. It's just a problematic historical document.

Sam Arnold, 3/21/00: Laws don't necessarily reduce freedom, they can also empower personal freedom. That is what I am suggesting. Your comparison to suicide is off the mark as well, because a person contemplates and inflicts suicide on themselves, whereas authoritarian leaders contemplate and inflict abuses on their followers. Followers usually are not masochists. On the